You Matter To Me {Phan}

Dan

Dan's POV

3 years ago

Today I've decided I will come out to my parents.

I'm really scared, because my dad is a drunk. He'll probably think I'm doing for attention, just like he did when he found out I started cutting myself, but really it was to cope with his alcoholism. I'm 1 years and 20 days clean though, so I think I'm getting better.

I walked into the lounge, where my mom and dad were sitting, watching the telly.  I stood in front of them.

"What the hell are you doing, Daniel? You're blocking the fucking screen." I could smell the alcohol on his breath when he spoke. He was recently diagnosed with liver cancer, due to alcohol poisoning. We don't know how long he'll live.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Mum, dad. I have something important I must announce. Please, don't be mad at me." I could feel tears beginning to form. "I-I'm gay."

I could see the look of shock on both of their faces. Suddenly, my dad's turned into anger.

"I did not raise my son to be a faggot!" He suddenly stood up and slapped me across the face.

"Either tell me you're lying, or I'll have to beat the fag out of you!"

"I-I'm sorry," I sobbed.

"You will be."

Later that night

My dad eventually stormed out of the house to go buy more vodka. I limped into my room once he left.

I looked into the mirror and hated what I saw. I saw an ugly faggot who brought sadness to his family. My dad gave me what I deserved.

My busted lip was leaking blood, my eye was swollen, I was spotted with bruises. My entire body hurt. I needed more pain for what I did to my family.

I grabbed my blade that I kept in a drawer, just in case. I pulled my sleeve up and looked at all the previous scars. They were all healed.

I dragged the blade across my wrist. I carved the word "fag" on to my skin.

I deserve this. I'm a fuck up. I ruin everything. I'm a stupid fag. This is all my fault.

I sat, sobbing for the next hour. I suddenly heard my door open and looked up. It was my dad.

"Look at this, you fucking mess. Look what you've done to yourself."

He grabbed my wrist and gave it a squeeze. He then reached for his belt buckle and began to take off his jeans. Next came his pants. He did the same to me.

"If you like guys, you should love this, you sick faggot."

He entered my hole. I lied there sobbing as he violently thrusted. It hurt so badly.

I deserve this. All my fault.

He finished, but his clothes back on, and kicked me in the stomach before leaving the room.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

A/N

So yea, this is gonna be very sad. This is just a little back story on why Dan struggles with what he does in the future.

Btw, reminder for non-British people: pants is underwear.

K bye, sorry for any tears you may have shed.

I love you all.

Also, if you suffer from anything I mention in this story, please message me. We can talk and I'll try to help.

Also, please seek proffesional help. While you may not want to talk about it, it helps, trust me.

Please take care of yourself.