Briar Preparatory Academy

A Curious Paradox

Celeste POV

"Princess?"

My eyes open from my restless attempt at trying to sleep. God, not again.

I've been counting the seconds to keep myself from dying of boredom, and also just as a motivation to not die in general. It has been eight hours, twenty-nine minutes, and fifty six seconds since Jasper last came in my cell and gave me the giant bruise on my cheekbone.

And destroyed the one thing that I was holding on to.

My hand automatically brushes against the cuts across my wrist. They sting like crazy, like Joe is still slicing his knife across my arm.

Joe. I clench my jaw and dare to look up at him. He stands just inside the doorway, gazing at me with an expression that is halfway between anxiety and fear and sympathy and so many other things I can't decipher.

I force my legs to move and attempt to push myself up off the ground. I wince as the throbbing in my cracked rib becomes more intense, and I have to lean against the wall to catch my breath before I can stand all the way up. Joe makes a startled noise and rushes towards me, grabs me just above my waist, and helps me all the way up. His touch sends pinpricks of fury through me. "Don't touch me," I say quietly, "Joe, don't touch me."

My eyes are closed, so I don't see his pained expression as he pulls his hands away from me regretfully. "Princess." He whispers the nickname he has given me again, but this time it is pained and quiet. I open my eyes and shoot him a glare that could kill. He automatically takes a step back from me, his hands held up. I watch him the entire time. His mannerisms right now... they slightly remind me of a child's.

"What do you want? What could you possibly want from me now?" I ask him, choking on my own parched throat.

His lips quiver, not from fear but from hesitation. Finally, "I need to tell you something."

I raise one eyebrow, inclining my head. "Oh, what could it possibly be now?" I tip my chin up to the ceiling and feign bewilderment. "Now what could it be this time, huh? No, no, don't tell me. Let me figure something out on my own for once. Let's see, um... how about 'Princess, I need you to tell me the best way to completely decimate your school and family and leave nothing but devastation in my wake. Because that's all I know how to do.'" I punch those last words at him, my eyes narrowing on his face. He won't look at me, and for a moment I break. He looks guilty. But still I press on. "Am I getting warmer?"

A muscle in his jaw works. An almost amused smile crosses his faces, but it's sad at the same time. "You really do hate me, don't you?"

I open my mouth and inhale a small gasp. His question throws me off, and I hesitate. I want to scream that I do hate him. With every fiber in my body, but something inside me won't let the words escape. My mind suddenly flashes back to the little boy sitting on the ground with his ears covered. The impossible things that he has had to deal with since he was taken into Jasper's care. And I remember the small acts of kindness he has shown to me. I remember the side of him that smiled legitimately and had not hurt me but touched me with gentle hands. Scarred, but so gentle.

I think of who he could be if he hadn't been raised by Jasper, how different he could've been. This boy with ocean blue eyes who has made my insides go insane and has confused my every thought about him. One moment, I want him close and the next I wish that I could put a million miles between us. Would he have been happier? Would he have been this scarred?

I clench my fists together and tell myself not regret what I'm about to say to him. "I want to hate you," I whisper, "I want to so badly. But something holds me back. I don't... I don't think that deep down; you're as dark and destroyed as you lead people to believe. Yes, I can tell that you've been hurt and you've suffered so much more than you should. And I hate that. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I wish that I could say that I could hurt you in the ways that you've hurt me, but I know that if I had the chance, I wouldn't.  I couldn't find the strength to. "