Philophobia

Chapter 3

A/N:

*hides behind curtain before anyone can throw stones bc no update in a month*

xx

To say Dan was excited about his next meeting with Mr Lester would be an understatement. His heart sped up to an exhilaratingly fast rate and his palms continued to sweat nervously. He had gone to sleep scowling himself for anxiously counting down the time until they would next meet.

Suddenly, realisation struck him as he became aware of the small black notebook which sat upon his desk, still nothing new written inside of it besides what had happened at the last meeting.

Dan bit his lip, shuffling out of bed and leaping over to it. He took the book with him back into his warm bed covers and a pen, tapping it. He wanted to write more to impress Phil however it was hard to think of anything that made him happy today.

Stubbing toe when waking up
No

Hitting head on shower thing
No

Burning tongue on tea
No

Slipping on socks
No

He crossed out all the previously written words angrily, staring down at his messy paper in shame.

"Disgusting." The boy breathed out.

He took a deep breath slowly through  his nose, eyes shut. At last one thing had come to mind about something that made him smile. Now in content, he wrote his idea down neatly with a satisfied smile.

**

"Hello!" Dan beamed with a smile, cowering back in embarrassment at how loud he had been.

Phil smiled beckoning to other man to sit down in the seat before him. "Thank goodness you're in a good mood. This is significantly a good sign. Remarkable." He grinned widely as Dan handed him his small book.

Phil's POV

I peered back up at the once eager boy who was currently slumped back into his seat in an embarrassment state, not daring to look up.

I opened up to the newest page to see scribbles over some words written but only a line had been drawn through the perfectly neat handwriting that the words were instantly recognisable i chuckled softly causing the boy's face to perk up, beetroot red all the way down to his ears. He began shaking his leg nervously like a child in trouble at the headmaster's office.

I read through the line underneath it.

'Thinking about attending the councillor session to see Phil and laughing again like last time. Of all the things to happen to me today I could not recollect a single memory of which butterflies swarmed around my stomach of exhilaration and excitement other than this, merely seeing Mr Lester's face once more'

3rd POV

Phil's head shot back up with a bright smile lacing with a flustered feeling in his cheeks. He coughed shyly, holding the book tightly in his hands, smiling down at it.

"T-This had never happened before." Phil beamed, entire face turning red.

"D-Do you like it?!" Dan asked, eyes wide and hopeful as he couldn't bring his head up from his lap.

"I love it." The older man replied in a soft voice. "Now normally I would advise the things you wrote down in the book to be repeated and for you to attempt to redo them such as watching the sunrise however..." He glanced back down at the notebook in his hands and smiled again. "How can you do it for this..." He thought mainly to himself.

Dan shuffled in his seat, a fatigue mood setting over his body, possible from this fuelling burst of energy not caused by sadness but a brightness making his chest feel full but stomach in knots. His throat didn't hurt as if he was about to cry but was dry, losing it's ability to speak.

"Dan." Phil started, watching the other boy closely as he tapped his pen onto the desk. His thoughts were unreadable, with such a distinct poker face most likely taught to match his profession, it was unreadable what his face was showing, what was going through his mind, what he was thinking.

"Philophobia is a rare little thing. Statistics suggest that nearly 250,000 individuals in the United States alone fear of falling in love. What would you do if you ever were to fall in love?" He spoke, voice soft but eyes hardening impatiently for the answer.

"I...I don't know. H-How do you know when you've...fallen?" Dan said nervously, thoughts racing.

"I'm assuming that you haven't fallen in love." Phil bit his lip in thought.

"I-I have!" Dan interrupted, eyes glancing around the room to avoid any eye contact.

"Do you not remember?" Phil asked carefully.

"Um...i r-remember the feeling a little bit... I-I was really really young." He took a deep breath. "I was a kid and-and this other kid at school use to share his lunch with me. He was the only one who wouldn't ask me about the bruises and stuff..."

Phil nodded for Dan to continue.

"No one really liked this boy I suppose."

Phil's eyes widened, stopping all movements. "Why?"

"He was fat I suppose." Dan shrugged. "Got bullied, I don't know why. But I remember he sat next to me at lunch and shared his pack lunch with me because I never had anything."

Phil nodded with a smile. "Sounds like a sweet kid."

And then, something rare occurred, a small laugh surpassed Dan's lips. Not a shy awkward one, but a chuckle suited to the wide smile on his lips, eyes lost as he thought back as he nodded his head.

"He was a dummy." Dan finally spoke with a small smile painting his lips, cheeks turning red.

Phil was also smiling widely waiting for Dan to continue.

"He would share his food with me and told his mum to make double so she did." Dan let out a soft giggle.

"He sounds wonderful." Phil said, with a soft smile.

Dan nodded, a calming feeling in his chest as he looked down, unable to stop smiling after that.

**

When Dan climbed into bed later that night, he fell asleep instantly once his head hitting the pillow. His eyelids were burning and his body was limp out of exhausted, maybe from talking so much today. Well more than usual.

Later on that night, Dan had a dream. A nice one for once, not one that had him waking up covered in sweat and clutching his damp pillow under the covers.

In the dream was himself but toddler Dan. He was in some sort of park with an ice cream in hand. He was waddling around and sat on one of the benches, soon another kid who was quite a bit larger than himself who sat beside him.

A large toothy grin far too big for his small face was painted over his face, his chubby cheeks littered with freckles hiding his eyes slightly. He said something Dan couldn't quite work out but the small boy only now noticed the chocolate bar in the other one's hand and the smudges on his nose from it.

The boy broke the chocolate bar in half, handing it to Dan who gratefully took with a small smile over his partly bruised lips.

The larger boy watched with a worried look, making sure the thinner fragile-looking boy before him ate all of the chocolate.

Once he did, he patted his back and grinned widely. He abruptly stood up, nodding at Dan before walking away into the distance, a slight limp in his left leg as he waddled off. Dan watched with a grin, licking some of the chocolate that had melted on his hand given to by the strange boy.

xx