I can't - An After Allegiant story

Chapter 1

I let her go today. I faced my fear. But more importantly, I spread her ashes and said goodbye. But I can't let her go. Ever. She is gone and I can't do anything about it. It was that bastard, David. He had to be in there, ready to shoot Caleb, or rather, Tris.

After two and a half years, I still can't believe it.

My Tris.

Dead.

Gone.

"Tobias." My mother's voice cuts through my thoughts as we eat dinner, in silence.

"Yeah?" I mumble.

"Are you thinking about her?" Evelyn asks, worriedly.

"Well, I can't forget about her or ever stop thinking about her. So yes." I say in a frustrated tone.

"Okay. I'm done. Do you need anything else, Tobias?"

"No thanks. I'm good Evelyn."

I walk back into my room after cleaning my plate and putting it in the dishwasher. I lay down on my bed and let the tears come. I miss her. I just miss her so much. All I want is to see her again. Yes I see her in my dreams. But they're only pretend. I'll never see Tris again, not until I'm old and grey. That is, if I get that far. Before I know it, I've dozed off, only to be woken after another dream.

This one was different. Usually my dreams were Tris, just saying I love you and that I need to be brave and to carry on. This one was still Tris. Only she was beckoning me to come with her.

'Maybe I could go with her.' Says the voice at the back of my mind.

I look over at the time.

11:46pm.

I suddenly see Tris standing there, in the clothes I last saw her in. Black. But there are bullet holes in her neck, arm and leg. She survived Death Serum, but not three bullets.

'Come with me Tobias. You know you want to. Meet me at the top of the Hancock Building.' Tris says to me. Her voice. The voice I haven't heard in two and a half years.

I get up and put some shoes on. I leave a note to Evelyn which reads:

Evelyn, I can't be here anymore. Not without her.

I grab my jacket and open my apartment door, as quietly as I can. I walk to the Hancock Building and unlock the door with the key Johanna gave me. I walk up the stairs to the top. I see the zip line I went on this morning. Where I spread her ashes.

Tris appears again.

'Be Brave Tobias. Don't think, just jump.'

Memories start to pour into my mind. When she fell into the net. When we went through my fear landscape. When we were in Amity and she was having nightmares. When she was on Peace Serum. When we were at my house in Abnegation after rescuing her from Erudite. When I told her that I would be her family. When we went on our first (and last) date. When we went outside to the Bureau. When we broke up. When we found each other again. That night. All I want is to be with her again. Then I remember what I told her in Erudite. You die, I die too.

And that is what I plan on doing.

'Don't think, just jump' Tris says again.

Don't think, just jump.

Chapter 1 1/2

As I'm laying on the pavement with broken bones, I see Tris turn the corner and run up to where I'm laying.