Nachgedacht

MyBrother

1. The only place I want to travel is him.

Dear Brother,

I woke up with a feeling of numbness. Since the day I met him, I'm always feeling like stuck in a depressing sphere without an exit; without an ending. It's not like I feel depressed because I met him. It's because I miss him.

What ever. Sitting all by myself became a new hobby of mine and it's kind of really stressing the hell out of me. Ironic, you say? Yes. It's kinda paradoxical, I guess. But thinking about quite everything isn't easy to handle, you know? I'm fine with that. Even thought I can't actually do anything else but think about him. I became some kind of addicted to this shit. And I got tired. Very tired. Nearly nothing could make me smile after he left me standing in the rain. I'll never forget the feelings I had these days. The butterflies, the planes, the love, the heartworming ones. But, well, now all I "feel" is numbness. It hurts to think about him. Even thought we're having a relationship, like I reall love him and he says so, too.

I'll stop here for today. It got very late. Maybe I'll write again tomorrow...

CU, Soulmate.

Love ya.

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2. It's been a while

Dear Brother,

It actually has been a while and we haven't met each other yet. Kind of funny. Sibblings that doesn't know each other in real life, even though we life so close together and actually "know" each other. Silly, tho.

I feel strange lately. Like everyday I am asking myself "Hey Dude, you ok?" and the answere is always the same "No". And after that I'm just staring at my reflection in the mirror, talking to myself: "Buddy, you need to sleep. And let me get things streight, you're not and you're gender ist like beeing flux as fuck. Get rid of this shit already or I, your lovely mind, will leave you again and you'll be running around like a crazy bitch, as you did years ago. So just stop!". To be honest I am NOT actually saying that but I think of it every day. I mean, why? Why ist beeing a girl, wanting to be born as a boy, even possible? This is fucking mean, because I am like "Yes I want to be a boy", but "No surgery for me, Mister!!!".

I am sorry for beeing so sarcastic lately... That might suck, I guess...

You know, since last time I really started wondering why I keep writing this stuff, this "letters". You cant answere me. (If you would, it would be very crazy, tho...)

I'll leave this here...

Keep your head up, Brother.

I love you.

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