Ninja at First Sight

Part 1: Two ninjas walk into a bar...

People completely fascinate me.

Take my college roommate, Dara, and her boyfriend, Hivan. They had sex in our dorm room all the time. It didn't matter if I was asleep, and it didn't matter if I was at my desk studying. Usually Dara was topless by the time they made it in the room. At first, Dara would be surprised by my presence and try to gently ask me to leave. Meanwhile, Hivan asked me if I'd like to join them.

I declined.

But it wasn't the nonstop sex that fascinated me. In fact, as an eighteen year old who'd never been kissed or had a boyfriend, I was a smidge envious of the sex part.

They fascinated me because 1) they saw nothing odd or inappropriate about interrupting my sleep, studying, or privacy at all hours of the day or night, and 2) Hivan cheated on Dara all the time.

By the third week their relationship followed a predictable cycle. For three days everything would be fine. On the fourth or fifth day, Dara would burst into the room crying and sobbing and screaming, throwing anything within reach. She'd tell me that she was through with Hivan because he'd cheated on her.

He would eventually show up at some point during the next two days. I would leave. They'd have sex. Everything would be fine for the next few days, and the cycle would repeat.

Also fascinating, by the end of the first month, all pretext evaporated. They'd just plow into the room and go at it as soon as they'd breached the threshold, regardless of whether I was present. Sometimes, if I was already asleep, I'd put on my headphones, blast music, and cover my face.

The part of me that had a voracious appetite for observing and studying people was enthralled by their theatrics. It almost seemed like Hivan created the drama and excitement because he sensed Dara thrived on it. I didn't understand this, why someone would crave this kind of drama, and so I studied them.

Honestly, the situation didn't bother me once I adjusted to it as my reality. In addition to my fascination, I figured it was all part of the genuine college experience. I supposed I was odd in this way. Situations that typically made other people uncomfortable or angry or offended were of intense interest to me.

I'd always been an observer of human nature, more content to sit back and watch than get involved, but I suspected my upbringing was the root cause. I never had many friends because I'd had very few opportunities to make friends. Social interaction, social order, and social norms and dynamics were a mystery to me.

Usually, I would discuss my observations with Hannah, my sister. But every time I called my mother would pick up the line and listen in.. Therefore, we hadn't talked at all for the last four months about anything of significance and I missed her perspective.

I understood athletes. I understood drive and competition and ambition to succeed and to have a singular purpose. But I didn't understand this world of normal and varied interests because I'd never lived in it.

The other two girls in my suite were Beth, a perpetually anxious and serious-minded pre-med freshman, and Fern.

Fern was Beth's opposite in every way.

Where Beth was reed thin and dressed conservatively, Fern was voluptuous and dressed like a 1950's pinup. Where Beth was studying all the time and waking up early to exercise, Fern hardly ever went to class and frequently staggered into the suite intoxicated at all hours of the day and night.

I think Beth and Fern got on each other's nerves; Beth left by week six, opting to move into a single room elsewhere on campus as soon as it became available.

Fern told me in passing that she was only going to college because her parents insisted that she at least try it for one or two years. What she really wanted to do was become a Scientologist minister, and she didn't need a college degree for that. As such, Fern decided to major in Latin. She thought this was hilarious.