the life behind their eyes

derricks eyes

Staring at my reflection on the bars I thought I would never be behind, asking myself why am I here? That was still a question I couldn't answer for myself.

I lay in bed as I watch my cell mate frantically move around and mumbled things to himself things that no one could understand. no one really knows the story behind this guy, all we know is that he tried to plead insanity but studies showed he was just as sane as the next guy. I honestly think they made a big mistake. he has extra charges now for trying to kill his last cell mate. I don't even think he should be allowed to share a cell with anyone, but maybe that's just because I'm the one he has to share a cell with. we still don't know why he tried to kill his last cellmate he's actually a keep to his self-type of guy.

I lie patiently waiting for my monthly visit with pastor Givens. every time he came he tried to get me to tell him why I was here but like I said earlier that is still a question I can't even answer for myself.

after what seemed like hours I woke up to the annoying sound of the security guards stick hitting up against my bars. man, I hated that sound it just reminded me even more where I was. "Derrick you have a visitor." says the security guard still rubbing that damn stick up against the bars. my cell mate hopped out of bed and asked could he go for his daily workout early today, I guess to give me at least a little bit of privacy in this hell whole. pastor Givens scanned me with his calm light brown eyes and surprisingly he didn't seem scared to be here anymore. "hello Mr.Williams." pastor Givens says extending his arm expecting a handshake but put it down quickly when he realized I was not in the least bit interested in shaking his hand. "........so how are you today Mr.Williams?" I looked up and said "oh I'm just wonderful. the sunlight shining through my bars are ever so lovely and I haven't been raped yet so how about you take your guess" I hissed at him. I realized what I said was maybe a little rude but what kind of question is that to someone in jail? he gave an annoyed huff before speaking again. "so you ready to tell me why you're here?" I stared at him with no response and then he finally spoke again. " tell me derrick why exactly do you think I'm here? I mean I come here every month to help you and all you ever do is be rude to me." I laughed at his question and said "then why do you continue to come here? must be something you like about my rudeness if you come back every month." " I come here because my lord sent me here he sent me here to help you and I am determined to stay faithful to my lord and do as he has sent me for" pastor Givens comes and takes a seat next to me and says "look son I come here for a reason and I won't leave until I have done what my lord has sent me for." I looked at him and said " and I won't leave until I have done what my lord has sent me for" in a teasing voice. "so if this so called God of yours is the all mighty tell me what else has he done besides sit around and watch his children die, kill, steal, cheat I mean please enlighten Me on what this all mighty is doing cause I have no fucking clue!" I screamed. pastor Givens face turned red at the words that had just come out of my mouth but I regretted none of it was all true, well to me it was . "now you look here son you can disrespect me all you want but I won't stand by and let you disrespect my lord, our father he is the reason you're alive!" "oh really cause last time I checked my mother and father were the reason I'm here you know cause they did the bump in the dark I'm pretty sure that's how I got here. Did I mention they weren't married?" the furry in his eyes amused me. I smiled, stood up and walked over to the security guard. "hey can you unlock my cage this guy is ready to leave." he stared at me as if to say are you serious? and said, "this conversation is not over I will show just how mighty our God is and if not me he will show you his self. watch and see." I guided him to the door and whispered in his ear "don't let the jail bars hit you where the good Lord split you." and with that, he was on his way out of my hair and gave me time to think.

that might be a good thing.