Hurt, Happiness, and Heartbreak

Important

No I'm not crying.
But I'm tired.
Like, mentally.
I don't know why I'm so shocked,
I knew it was never me.
I just never thought I would actually find out.
And...
I don't even know...
It just hurts.
I miss his touch,
I miss his looks
it's only been a few hours since he last looked at me
but I miss the real ones.
I miss that time that weekend.
Just me and him in our own little world of embarrassing,
funny,
weird,
amazing,
flirty hours.
I miss the feeling of him on top of me and his breath in my face.
I miss meeting his gaze and smiling.
I miss seeing him laugh at my little moments,
only me and him,
although we were in a room full of others.
But all of this was in my mind.
I was nothing to him.
I was just something to keep him entertained for a few hours. Something to occupy his eyes in class.
I mean nothing to him.
And to him,
I am not important.

•••

I'm sorry, I crying right now. I know it's  nothing to anyone else and it's just something small but, it hurts. It hurts so so much. Not many will read this and for that I am glad. Not many know who I really and for that I am also glad. But I miss him. There was never an "us" but I miss thinking that maybe he could feel towards me, the way I feel for him. I love him. Though I hate that word, love. It's so overused. So meaningless. But right now, I know i've felt it. And I know I've got to now let go of it.