Colors {Bastille: Dyle}

6

She asked me 'why I don't believe in love' and I told her that 'what's the point in believing in something that never stays?'

- - - -

Dawn was breaking over the horizon; shell pink and faintly gold. The three of us walk silently side-by-side, shoulder-to-shoulder, as we head of to the cinema. Apparently we are supposed to be meeting others there and like always, I am going to feel like the loner I truly am.

We are going to see Fifty Shades of Black tonight which really has got me fucked up. In a good way. Well, if there even is a good side to fucked up. I take my phone out of my pocket to call Melanie.

"Hey, Dan. What's up?" She asks as soon as she answers my call.

"Oi, Mel, can you stop by the cinemas across from the cafe Kyle works at and meet me out front? I have my laptop and I wanted you to come pick it up."

"Don't oi me, ya jackass. But ya, sure. I'll come and pick it up. Give me five minutes and I'll be there." And just like that, Mel hangs up.

"And whom was that?" Kyle asks me in a nosey sounding tone.

"Melanie. That girl I usually sit with at the cafe." I reply, looking up at him as I tuck my phone back into a pocket in my jeans.

"Ah, I see. Is she your mate?" I look at him with wide eyes before bending over and laughing hysterically.

"My mate? As if! Are you mental?" I ask him once I catch my breathe.

"Maybe. I just might be.  I don't know, though. You like like a straight fuckboy if you ask me." Kyle flashes a smirk as his eyes look me up and down.

"You can't judge somebody off their looks, Kyle. I could identify for a female for all you know." I scoff. Kyle rolls his eyes and shrugs, looking straight ahead of him once again. "I mean, you should know. You have a boyfriend, don't you?"

Naomi looks over at me. A look of pure anger across her face. I could literally see the veins popping out of her neck. "What?" I ask, fairly frustrated and confused. Looking over at Kyle, I notice that his head is hanging and a small frown drawn on his lips. "Shit, Kyle. I'm sorry." He shakes his head in reply.

"No no. It's okay. You didn't know." The three of us get to the theater and are automatically waved over by a few people.

I look over at Kyle and Naomi as they jog over to their friends. Looking back down at my laptop in hand, I start to rethink this whole "going out" thing. I know it's Kyle's birthday and I know O should be getting to know him, but honestly, I would rather stay home than have a panic attack.

Inhaling sharply, I turn around and start walking back the way I came. I know I should stay so that I don't become lonely but I can stand it. As I kept walking, breathing got harder and everything around me started to spin. Sweat started pouring down my face and my hands started shaking. Stop. Just stop. PLEASE stop. Not now. I can't deal with this. Not in public. Tears started pouring down my face; thoughts started rushing through my head. I need someone. I am so alone. They look so happy. Go hang out with them. No don't, they won't except you. They'll think you're a psychopath. Just go to the safety of your home. You'll be okay there.

In the corner of my eye I spot a small space between two buildings. I stop in my tracks, looking back at Kyle with his friends. Leave them like you left your sister and your kids laying on the side of the road. It won't hurt as much. You'll be okay. Just run for it. It wouldn't be the first time. Don't listen to your mother. You don't need anymore friends. Lonely is good. Lonely is safe. I look down, wiping tears, as I slip in between the two buildings.

My right hand fumbles into my pocket to pull out my phone. I dial Mel's number and bring the phone up to my ear.

"Hey, Dan, where are you? I'm standing here with Kyle and his friends and they're telling me you just disappeared." Mel comes at me, a worried tone in her voice, causing me to break down.

"Mel, it's happening again. I - I just want to see them again. Why did I do that. I could've called someone! I could've done something! I just ran away! I've noticed that I'll just keep running away forever. Mel, help me. I don't want this! I don't want to be like th-"

"Dan, Dan, Dan. Honey, please be quiet. Where are you? Just take deep breathes and tell me where you are."

"Walk back towards the cafe." I whisper, trying to calm down. I didn't want her to tell that it's getting worse. "I'm in between a red and yellow building."

"Okay, I'm heading over. Just please don't do anything." Mel hangs up and soon enough I hear the sound of running footsteps. Multiple footsteps, not just one set.

A shadow casts upon me, causing me to look up to see Melanie's and Kyle's faces. Mel looks over at her shoulder, looking at Kyle. "Sorry, Kyle, but this is something I need to deal with. I'll see you in a few minutes. Thank you." Kyle nods and walks away, giving us space.

Melanie kneels down next to me, taking my hands into hers. "Daniel, listen to me," She looks me straight in the eyes, wiping my tears away with her thumb, "You know that what happened was not your fault. You were twenty-two. You didn't know what to do. Listen, whatever would've happened if you did get help, still would've turned out badly. Things were bad and there's nothing you could have done. You're still learning about life, and that's okay. You're going to have to leave people behind and that's okay."

"Mel, I am twenty-nine. I should know enough about life. I shouldn't have left them laying in the snow. I could've called their mother. I could've called my parents. Bloody hell, I could've called an ambulance, but instead I watched the blood seep into the snow and I left. God, the blood. All of the blood. Fuck! I am such a terrible person! Why -" Tears start pouring down my cheeks again, my voice raising.

"Dan, listen to me. You never listen and you need to because what I am telling you can help you." Mel sighs and helps me up, picking up my laptop. "Come on. Let's go and bring you home. I don't want to force you do something that you don't want to."

- - - -

The cold water drips down my face as I stare myself down in the mirror. Things could've been different, I know it. Things still can. I'm changing, and that's good. I need to move on like Mel said.

Turning away for the mirror, I grab a hand towel, drying off my face. I head out of the bathroom and into my room, grabbing my notebook. I need to write. That's the only thing that will make me happy right now. I need to continue writing "The Silence", that is the one song I can relate to right now and that's my only escape.