Escaping the Past

What Have I Done?

After Rosemary told me that Trip had ditched the rest of his classes and went home, we finished the project in almost complete silence. When the bell rang signaling the end of class, I felt like I should skip my last two classes of the day and go find Trip. I decided not to at the last moment. Besides, I didn't know exactly where Trip lived. I couldn't just go door to door looking for Trip. I had an idea though after I remembered that we both shared the same Reading/English class. Crossing my fingers and hoping my plan would work, I sat at my desk and waited for Mr. Morris to take attendance.

By the time he began calling out names to see who was here, I just couldn't stay still. "Taylor?" "Here," I say a little too loudly. Mr. Morris looks up at me as if saying, "What is wrong with you?" with his lazy eyes. Out of all the teachers, I think Mr. Morris was the laziest. He continues down the list of students and then calls out Trip's name. I raise my hand and Mr. Morris reluctantly waves me over. "Yes, Taylor, what is it?" "I would like to take Trip's work for the day home because he is sick." The lazy teacher nods and gives me the papers. "I'll also need his address because I forgot it." Mr. Morris squeezes the bridge of his nose as an exasperated "fine" comes from his mouth. After getting the address, I internally squeal and sit back down for the rest of class.

After the last class of the day, I quickly got my stuff together and made my way to Trip's house. I had to admit, I was a bit nervous to see Trip. First, I've never been to his house nor have I met his family. He doesn't like talking about them apparently. I've also been such a bad friend lately that I wouldn't be surprised if he just slammed the door in my face. And finally, there's that weird feeling I have in my stomach when I think about what Rosemary said about him. My heart feels light as I approach Trip's house, and I just have one unanswered question left. How do I feel about Trip?

I step onto the porch, and then freeze. Am I sure I want to do this? My mind is such a mess that I can't even answer my own question. Without thinking, I ring the doorbell and step back. When I realize what I just did, I debate on whether I should stay and face Trip or run before it's too late. The door opens slightly to show the face of a worn out woman in her late thirties. "Can I help you?" She asks in an impatient voice. I shift uncomfortably as I reply, "Does Trip Pendergast live here?" The woman raises an eyebrow at me, so I add, "I'm Taylor, a friend of his, and I'm here to give him his homework that he left at school." The woman contemplates for a while, and then she steps aside and says, "Please come in."

The woman introduced herself as Scarlet, Trip's mom. She was a beautiful woman who seemed like she was all about caring for others. She handed me a glass of lemonade and told me to sit at the table while she went to go get Trip. For a minute or two, I was in complete silence. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, something poked my face. I turned around to see a little girl missing her two front teeth. "I'm Marlow, who are you?" I smile at her and introduce myself. "Taylor?" She repeats, "My brother always talks about you and... Well, he told me not to tell anyone so..." Marlow abruptly stops talking as her mom comes back and tells me to go to Trip's room which was the second room to the right in the hallway.

Following her instructions, I gather up Trip's homework and walk down the hall. I reach the room, but I hesitate before knocking on the door. I search my brain for the right words to say to Trip, but my head feels light and dizzy. I shrug my shoulders because I know I have no choice but to go in there and face Trip. Taking a deep breath, I lightly knock on the door. Nobody responded. I tried knocking again, but there was still no one answering, so I just swung open the door and walked into the room. Trip was faced away, looking at some t-shirts he had out. Before I acknowledged my presence to Trip, I took a look around his room. It was really messy, but it didn't look like the average messy room. It looked like there was a burglar or a fight in this room before. There was also a small section where everything was neat and clean. Focus, I thought as I shook off those thoughts and stepped forward to greet Trip.

As usual, my clumsiness caused me to fall. There was a loud thud as I hit the floor with all the papers flying around me. Trip flinched and whispered, "Dad?" When he turned around, he had fear in his eyes. That is, until he saw that it was just me. "Oh," he said, "Why are you here?" "I... um... I brought your homework," I stuttered. He nodded as I set his work down on the bed he had just sat down on. There was a long silence after that until I finally gathered up enough courage. "Trip... I'm sorry that I have been so awful to you lately. I know I'm a really bad friend and I don't blame you if you hate me, especially after what happened today. I shouldn't have let Patch interrupt me; I was just overwhelmed. I'm really sorry." I look down at the floor as I wait for Trip to respond to my apology.

Trip clears his throat and then replies, "Taylor, I don't think you understand. You broke me. You took my feelings and tore them up into a million pieces and let Patch dance on top of them." I open my mouth to respond, but Trip quickly adds, "Please... Just get out and don't talk to me anymore, it's not like you actually care." Trip's words hit me hard, and even though I wanted to say something else to Trip, I had to hold it in because I knew I was about to start crying. I turned and ran out of Trip's bedroom as fast as I could. I flew past Scarlet and Marlow, who were asking me about what happened. I had to get home fast because my blade was calling to me.

Luckily no one was home when I came bursting through the door. My mom had probably left a note on the fridge saying she was going to pick up my dad and Jackson. I immediately ran to my bedroom and slammed the door closed. I grab my scissors and sink to the floor. Almost instantly, I begin sobbing violently, holding one of the scissors' blades tightly in my palm. Blood starts to slowly drip from my hand to the floor. After that, I take the same blade and attack my thighs with it, making criss-cross patterns every which way. With all this pain, I start to feel numb and my mind starts to empty.

Finally, I stop crying and get myself together. I go to the bathroom and wash off the blood from the scissors and then clean up the mess of blood on the floor. My legs are weak from all the cutting, but I keep cleaning. Once everything is cleaned up, I change into some other clothes. I hear the rest of the family come home and they call me down to eat dinner. I yell down the stairs that I'm not feeling so well and don't feel like eating. "Suit yourself," my brother shouts back up. I stayed awake for a little while after that, but I got really tired all of a sudden and drifted off into sleep.

The next morning, I woke up in sweat. I didn't have any bad dreams or anything, so it was kind of weird to wake up like that. Besides that, everything went on normally. I lazily got dressed and ate breakfast while Jackson tried to find out what was going on in my life. When I finished, I grabbed the lunch bag off the counter and began my path to school. I was a little early, so there weren't too many people walking to school yet. I took this time to think about all of the drama that happened yesterday.

Rosemary, Trip, Patch, and Anthony. It all comes back to me. Trip wants nothing to do with me and Rose is probably still angry. I like Patch, but do I really like him enough to be my boyfriend? Or is he an ass like everyone else has been saying lately? Also, Anthony is supposedly going to my school now. There's no doubt that he will bully me whenever he gets the chance. I can't help but think that sharing my darkest secret with him would soon prove to have been a big mistake.