There's something wrong with Phoebe

9 - Mother

I felt a little sick as I woke the next morning. I’d had a restless night, and the evidence lay under my eyes in dark circles that even layers of concealer could not hide. I applied my eye liner carefully, and my mascara evenly. I wanted to make a good first impression with my daughter. It sounded strange thinking of this as a first meeting, but it felt like it. Phoebe would have changed, and so had I. I barely knew this girl that I was about to meet.

I put on my skinny jeans and a cute, summer top with spaghetti straps. I brushed my hair out and checked my appearance in the mirror a further ten times before going downstairs. Rob sat on the sofa, staring gormlessly at the television in his usual check shirt and jeans. You’d think he’d have a smile on his face. The one thing he’d been working towards for the past six years, which had made him grumpy and anti-social, had finally been achieved, and he was still the same.

Thomas was grinning next to Rob and the contrast in facial expression meant I had to stifle a laugh. He was wearing smart crop jeans, which I hadn’t seen him wear for years. Gone was the matching tracksuit top and bottoms, and the cap flicked to the side. He was wearing a t-shirt I’d bought him for Christmas from Hollister. Kayla was obsessed with the brand, so I'd assumed he’d like it too, but he’d opened the present and hung the garment at arm’s length in disgust, though had refused to return it. His new friends may not like the brand, but I think he did.

Kayla stood by the door, dressed in some denim shorts and a vest top, already wearing her canvas pumps with her arms folded and looking impatient. “Are we ready to go?” she said as she saw me.

“Sure,” I replied, and Kayla opened the door immediately as she’d already unlocked it. We all got into the car, with me choosing to drive. We arrived at the hospital with the kids talking excitedly and went into the visitor’s entrance where a man called Daniel greeted us. I noticed his eyes flicker towards Rob, whose eyes flickered back. They must have met the day before.

We were escorted along some corridors and stairways until we arrived at a door and I saw Kayla and Thomas’ eyes flash with recognition as a nurse called Julie called us inside. The kids darted in first to Phoebe’s bedside and she hugged them both before she saw me and, after looking me up and down once, said, “I can’t believe I’m seeing you after all these years!” I looked at the girl sitting upright in bed and for some reason, felt no connection towards her. She looked different, obviously, but a weird different.

“Oh, yeah, it’s great!” said Thomas, and I rolled my eyes at his bad acting skills. I ran over and hugged Phoebe tight, and she hugged back, though it felt like we were playing roles in a movie. Everything looked perfect to an outsider, but there was no real chemistry. I pulled away and Phoebe smiled at me.

“You look amazing,” she said, and I blushed a little. “How have you been?”

“Fine,” I said, and realised that answer was ridiculous to say to your daughter you hadn’t seen for six years. “I mean, obviously I’ve missed you a lot.” It sounded like she’d been away on holiday. “How about you?”

“Fine,” she teased, smiling, and I blushed further. “Guys, could you give us a minute,” she said, keeping eye contact with me.

“Sure,” Kayla and Thomas said simultaneously, and Rob simply ducked out of the room.

“I assume you’ve realised they came here yesterday,” she said, and I nodded. “Why weren’t you here?”

“I suppose I was a bit apprehensive,” I replied, looking at my lap. I then reminded myself that this was the daughter I hadn’t seen for six years, and looked back up at her face. She really was beautiful, even though she wasn’t wearing makeup. Her heart shaped face had smooth, unblemished skin, and the skin tone had lightened since I last saw her, probably from lack of sunlight, and was now a pale biscuit colour that just looked as if she’d been on a short holiday. Her blonde hair was not as brightly coloured as it had been, but the shade was easier on the eyes, and lay in natural curls. Her lips were small and dark, her cheeks had a rosy tint to them and her eyes remained sparkling blue. As I looked closer, I could see my daughter amongst those features.

“I know how you feel,” she replied. “I’ve spent all these years wishing to be back with my family, but when I suddenly knew I could meet them again, I froze on the side of the road. I didn’t speak to anybody. I didn’t know what to do, because I hadn’t seen you in so long. I didn’t know what you would think of me.” I nodded.

“It looks like we have more in common than I thought.”

“Well, I am technically an adult now, though I don’t feel like one. I’m nineteen, right? When was my birthday?”

“May 12th,” I replied, uttering the date under my breath.

“Oh right,” I said. “I remember it was always sunny. We used to go to the park when I was little, right? With a picnic.”

“Yes,” I said, nodding.

“Don’t worry – I haven’t forgotten everything. Just a few details that may have slipped my mind.” Phoebe paused then. “Can I hug you again?”

“Sure,” I said, coming over and wrapping my arms tightly around her. I found myself not wanting to let go, and felt a sense of responsibility over her. “And, whenever you feel comfortable, you can tell us about what’s been going on these past few years.”

“I think…I’d rather write it down,” she said. "It's...embarassing in places."

“Oh, OK then,” I said. “Should I call the others back in?”

“OK,” she replied. Thomas bounced back in, telling Phoebe all about the latest video game, and she complimented him on his clothes. All three of them chatted on for the best part of an hour. I stared at Phoebe, and then, as if I’d forgotten he was in the room, turned to Rob, who also stared at her. I looked at Rob for a while, wondering what he was thinking. He was like a child who asked for a present for Christmas, and went on about it for months, and then when he got it, it wasn’t as good as he’d thought it would be. It bothered me.

I looked at Phoebe, noticing the slight hesitation in her smiles, and the wavering of light in her eyes as well as the slight quiver to her lips. I knew this wasn’t her. This chatty, bubbly girl who had once been my daughter was not here now. She was playing up to our pre-conceived image of her, or perhaps hiding something. I planned to visit her alone, and gradually confront her. I didn’t want her to be like me; bottling everything up. We gave her some pyjamas before we left which she accepted greatly. I hoped they were the right size for her, but, just in case, I’d bought crop bottoms so you wouldn’t be able to tell if the length wasn’t right, and I’d bought two top sizes.

We drove back home, the kids talking and, as usual, me and Rob in silence. Perhaps that was why we never argued – we never talked. I didn’t know who the person sitting beside me was as well as the girl sitting in that hospital room. Thomas was changing, Kayla had changed herself, and I barely knew my family. This summer, that would all change.