You And Me, Two Messed Up Freaks

Crippled Inside

-::::Chapter 6::::-

"Crippled Inside" 

“There are kinds of pain that you can't speak out loud.” 

― Jodi Picoult, Handle With Care

Ever had your heart broken? Ripped to pieces? That you couldn’t even breathe?

Ever yearned for numbness because you couldn’t deal with the pain?

Ever sat in your bed wondering how to get on with life?

I didn’t want to exist any longer. I wanted to vanish. Disappear.

I wanted nothing more than to just forget, forget everything haunting me right now.

Alone. Completely alone. I had been left all alone.

Not everyone has a reason to get out of bed in morning. Nothing to wake up. Nothing to do with life.

I sat in my bed, conflicted to go to school or not. Nothing would happen if I skipped. I could tell Tyson to get a lift from somebody else.

I could stay home and drown in my misery. I didn’t want to get out.

Closing my eyes, I let out a sigh.

‘Nice meeting you Valerie.’

A voice rang in my ears.

It had felt so different last night. Talking to that boy, his face, his eyes…. they revolved in my head. My thoughts shifting towards the sense of warmth and security I had felt in his presence.

It had been so different. Last night, for the first time in so long I had felt hope.

Hope was a curious thing. A bit of hope could get you through the darkest times. 

I couldn’t stop living. Not yet at least. Going to the school would hopefully take my mind off things.

“I can do this.” I said to myself as I dragged myself of the bed.

No can say that they have a perfect life.

Yet we try, we put on a smile and step out to face life. Some of us our better at doing it than others.

Some of us our so good that no-one would realize that they too have problems.

Sometime I wish someone would bother to look past our fake exterior, past the calmness and try to see the mess we are inside.

The mess I am inside.

But then again I’m glad that no one tries, I don’t want anyone to know. I don’t want the judgmental looks, the remarks; I want nothing.

I picked my school bag up and took one last look at myself in the mirror. I had spent an hour covering the dark circles, the imperfections on my face with makeup.

 No-one could guess this girl was almost starved, sleepless and a walking disaster. I grabbed my jacket from the bed, a black frill front cropped Dolce & Gabbana to keep up with the rich girl look.

I walked out of the room determined to get through the day.

I would not let the world see what a mess I was. I took one last look around the empty house before closing the front door and locking it.

Leaving the house empty still sent chill down my spine.

My black Range Rover stood gleaming in the drive way. I put my bag in the backseat and then carefully put my arm through my jacket, flinching when it hurt.