I hate you (Harry styles fan-fiction) TRIGGER WARNING

Ch.2 - Strong

Hiiiiiii thank you to everyone that's reading lol :) Hope you guys like it so far!!! Please comment and tell me what you guys think. It would really mean a lot to me.

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Just great.

Jessica's POV:

I rushed down the sidewalk swiftly, trying to figure out how im going to make this possible. God, why does this have to happen to me? Why can't I just be like those perky girls who have everything worked out for them? They don't have to worry about stupid shit like this. Its not fair. Life just isn't fair. After about 5 minutes of walking I stop, at this point being confused. As I kept walking to God knows where, I bump into someone. " Hey watch-" He said, stopping mid-sentence before stopping.

I looked up and mentally groaned. Harry. Peachy. "Jessica? " He asked, looking at me with a cold glare. I looked up and I could hear his annoying ass laugh echo throughout the empty streets. "Harry. Nice seeing you hear. Note the sarcasm." I said, rolling my eyes for about the 100000 time today. "What the hell are you doing? " He asked. "Excuse me? Just get out of my way so I can go. Im not in the mood for your bullshit. You can do whatever you want to me at school. Like your ass seems to do everyday." I slightly chuckled at what I said, from the fact that I realized how shitty he is.

He just stood there with a stupid smirk on his face. I shoved passed him, trying to get away from the devil itself. He turned and latched his large hand on my scrawny arm. He yanked me close towards his chest. I could feel his hot breath linger against my cheek. "Who the hell do you think you are? You can't treat me like that. God, you're so pathetic. You know that?" He growled in his deep, raspy voice. "Yeah. Actually I do dickhead. Did you know you were a prick?" I pulled my arm out from his grasp. "You tell me the same shit everyday Harry. Okay, I get it. All I am to you and to everyone else is pathetic. You think I don't know that? Because quite frankly, you've made it clear to me over a thousand times" I state annoyed.

"For Christ's sake, have you realized that nobody cares about what the hell you have to say? God, I hate you." His voice raged in anger. I started walking, annoyed as fuck trying to take in what he just said as if hes never said it to me before. But this time, I stopped and turned to see him walking away shaking his head.

"Im fine with that! I don't know if you realize or give a da.....wait, obviously you don't care. But what if I tell you that you're the main reason I don't want to live in this goddamn script? Where everyone is the same. They all look the same. They all say the same things. They all do the same things every fucking day. Ugh, who am I kidding, it doesn't matter. Im a nobody remember. I don't care if you hate me....... because it's pretty fucking obvious I hate me too." The words flooded from my mouth like a waterfall, and I mean't every word. I turned back around leaving him standing there in unfazed by what I just said. That time I wasn't being sarcastic. He's one hell of a dick. I might hate myself to the point where it rips me to shreds, but not as much as I hate him.

I hate that he treats me like im nothing, like everything he says is something to be cared about. I hate the fact that he smirks when I try to say something against his words. I hate that he knows how much im hurting, yet he doesn't stop. I hate that he says word after word laced in as much disgust as possible trying his best to make me feel like crap. I just simply hate him. I can't stand him, let alone the thought of him.

Sometimes it takes all the power in me not to slap the living hell out of him. I think about the things him and his friends do to me, everyone at schools does to me and I always find myself breaking down. I just don't know what he wants from me. Why hes such a jerk. Why he gives me the worse out of everyone. Sometimes I wish I could just run away. Run where nobody would see me. Nobody could judge me. Nobody would be there to tell  me what I can and cannot do. Im just done.

I hate it here. Every day I wake up and I'm completely and mentally drained to the point of a puddle of tears, wishing, just maybe, there would come a day where I don't wake up. Where I no longer feel pain or sorrow. Where I am numb to everyone and everything in my surroundings, not having a care in the world what people have to say about me.

I just wish I could fold up and stop. Maybe then people would except me if they knew that everything they say wouldn't phase me no matter how hard they try, no matter how much they want to tear me down. I wish I were one of those people who didn't care about what people thought...... but im not. Every hurtful thing someone says about me are things that iv always seen myself as. Them saying it just makes me feel worse because it makes me think they are true.

I look at these girl who have it all. The money. The status. The popularity. The boys. They have absolutely everything.  And just cant help but imagine what It would feel like to have a glimpse at the life they live. Maybe then I would be happy. Maybe then I would view myself differently. Maybe then I wouldn't worry so much. Maybe then I wouldn't rip myself apart after hearing the dreadful things people say about me. That's a life I wish I had. That's a life I want more than anything. To be happy.

Because happiness is something iv longed for my whole life. Even before my father died. Of course he wasn't as bad as my mom is, but it's only because all he did was gamble and get laid with strangers and leave us for days on end. Leaving me with her. That's when I needed happiness the most. When my only goal was to feel safe. Cared for. Free.

Sometimes I wonder what happiness feels like, but most of the time I try not to think about it. I hate getting my hopes up. I just wish I was enough for someone. Sure I can be confident at times, but it doesn't last long. Usually someone would come along, telling me how worthless I am. Telling me that if they were me, they would have killed themselves a long time ago.

I would be lying if I told you that people ask me if im okay. I mean, it sucks that nobody cares but its also a good thing. I wouldn't have to lie. What screws us up most in life is the picture inside of our heads of how its supposed to be. I just feel like im waiting for something that isn't going to happen. Who am I kidding, no matter what I do, what I say. Im never going to be happy. Happy with myself. Happy with life. Happy with anything. I just feel like everything I say, comes out wrong.

Im not living. Im surviving. There's a difference. I actually feel bad for the people who have to deal with me. Im a screw up. A mistake. Nothing. They tell you to be yourself, then they judge you. But that's life. A big gigantic mess. Most of the time I have to forgive the things people say and do to me. Because in the end. Its me who is my enemy. Me who beats me up. Me who makes the monsters. Me who strips my confidence. Its my fault. How I feel is my fault. How I see myself is my fault. The fact that the air is still going in and out of my lungs, is my fault.

What defines us, is how well we rise after falling. The thing is, I deserve to be left to die. To be left alone with nothing but me and my messed up mind. I don't even have to pretend im happy, it won't make a difference to people. Im already defined as a loser. It doesn't matter though because no one is listening.