I hate you (Harry styles fan-fiction) TRIGGER WARNING

Ch.6 - What a feeling

Hey so Im going to REALLY REALLY try to step up my updating game lol I know I haven't updated in a while but its because iv just had a lot of stuff to do with school and stuff. It took me a while to figure out what to write about so I hope you like what I have :) Please, please share this. It would mean so much to me. Also, if you don't please follow my main twitter account ThigpenJulia :) I love you guys. Ps: While reading this listen to

Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop by Landon Pigg

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Jessicas POV

Iv been thinking about everything he said, everything he promised. Why now? Why me? At this point I don't know how to feel. I'm still in his grasp as I can't help but cry without any control to stop as his large hand caressed my back in circle motions.

I pulled away taking in his beauty. How his curls were bunched in a mess but managed to make him look adorable. How his perfect, pink lips were formed in a pout. How his vivid, green eyes were absolutely gorgeous.

"You." He softly said. "What?" I questioned as I was wiping away the few tears left from my eyes. "What happened? I want to understand." He said as his palm met my tear stained cheek.

If I didn't know any better I would say that he cared but who am I kidding. Im me, unworthy of being cared for, unworthy of having someone to understand. I was brought back to reality once I noticed that he was waving his hand lightly in front of my face. I chuckled softly.

"My story." I sighed thinking for a moment. " You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He said with the look of sympathy. "No, It's fine." I reassured.

" Well, My story. Lets just start off with Once again depression washes over me like a gigantic tsunami; darkness embraces my heart like huge raven wings. I am lost in the swirling maelstrom of my black heart.

Who am I? What am I? What am I supposed to do? What is my Destiny?
Am I a creature of darkness, one of those destined to bring this God-forsaken planet to its knees? Am I the destroyer of man or of humanity itself?
Am I really evil?
What is good and what is evil? Who is good and who is evil?
Who am I? What am I? What am I supposed to do? What is my Fate?
Questions and more questions; questions leading away from a question, quetions that returns one to the first question. An endless circle of unanswered questions.
I know not the answers to these questions; I never knew the answers and probably would never know them.
Never-ending chaos, that has become my world. Confused thoughts and mixed emotions are all that I know. Nothing and no one is what they really are; everything is false and everyone wears a mask. Truth has long been erased from the memories of all; even history has become the written lies of man.
There is no more hope in this world. Man should not exist anymore. Darkness should take over this forbidding planet of self-destruction.
Salvation denied. That is what we deserve. We are unworthy to be saved.
What is my worth? What is my purpose in this life? What is my reason for living?
Sitting alone once again among the shadows, my dark persona shows-my true self. My senses are overwhelmed by sensations only few can sense.
My hearing is filled with the cries of pain and suffering both of the innocents and the guilty, the horrendous howling and deafening voices of millions of souls becoming one terrifying sound.
I am blinded by the blood of the saints and demons, falling down from the dreary heavens in torrents, the thirsty earth drinking up the coppery fluid until it could drink no more, flooding the world and washing away bloated and decaying bodies of what once were humans.
I breathe in and almost suffocate at the reek of decay and death, gagging at the formidable stench; air so thick with death and darkness that it almost seems like a cold blanket beckoning the weak and tired to lay in eternal slumber.
On my skin, I feel the pouring of the bloody rain-both icy hot and scorchingly cold. I feel the creeping of so many tiny things on my skin-creeping and crawling all over myself. I shudder. Half-decayed and skeletal arms and limbs reach out and touch me, grab me, from their shallow graves; seeking me, imploring me, forcing me to help them, to join them in their death.
I open my mouth to scream, but no sound leaves me-my own voice frightened to leave the comfort of my body. Instead I taste the death, the darkness, the evil, the corruption, the hopelessness, that surrounds me. Everything that has tainted everything comes pouring in my open mouth.
I choke. I gag.
But it is finally in me and it won't come out. I cannot escape it anymore.
That dark face hidden in the shadows throws back its head and laughs out loud. Yes, it says. You are finally mine, within and without. You can never escape me; you never have and you never will. You can never escape what is meant for you.
Dark shadows, dark limbs, reach out from the black hole, taking me in their grasp, wrapping around me like a cocoon of destruction. When I emerge I unfold my black wings and open my dead eyes, take out my frozen heart and crush it. There is no more turning back for me...there never was.
Now I am Death. That is what I am. That is who I am. This is all I am. My soul vanishes..... as I take my last breath of my short existing  life , remembering  memories of how I was raised in a world where happiness was not  present but was more like a fantasy or made up story that was non existing. I didn't experience any happiness. This place that had life was somewhere where  people didn't  experienced true excitement just had the same jobs for there whole entire life  seeing the same people living the same life having the same emotions over and over.. this planet that we call earth is being little by little destroyed because of how ignorant we are not seeing how this system that we have just has us controlled and not noticing our surrounding and how precious this time we have in life is, we  do not know what is after death but I pray to who is our creator made a place for all of us which where there is  no sorrow, no pain .Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once .Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, It seems to me most strange that men should fear; Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come .We fight, we die, we rise and cry. We fight like soldiers when we know we will surpass all before us. We die like warriors when we know our time has come. We rise like smoke, and fall like rain, while we cry from the burdens we endure this pain. One step into the darkness, depends totally on you. The world is a filthy place. Its a God damn horror show. If this is how my life is going to be, I don't want it anymore. Its like a game. Either you win or you die. I don't see myself here in the next 5 years. or 4. or 3. or 2.........or 1....... And im not scarred at the thought of dying. A place other than here is a place I want to be. Even if there is no God. Even if when I die my body will just shut down to where there is no longer any thought clouding my head. That's still a life that I would take over this one any given day. Being invisible? That's just an understatement. According to everyone...........Im already dead."