I hate you (Harry styles fan-fiction) TRIGGER WARNING

Ch.4 - Right now

wassup :) Thank you to everyone who reading. I hope you guys like it so far! Ps. Theres this song called Jealous by Labrinth. Its my new obsession lol. Check it out pls ;) Love you.

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Jessica's POV:

Harry has been at the front desk, having a conversation with an older lady. Wtf is he doing? I wonder why hes here. As I was deep in thought, I felt an arm nudge me. I looked up to see......Harry? "Harry? What are you doing here?" I asked. "Come on." He said aggravated. "W-What?" I stuttered. " Im bailing you out. So either you can come or stay." He said sternly. All of a sudden I felt like I didn't have control over my body. I immediately got up and gave Harry a gigantic hug. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." I said all at once. He then hugged me back. The scent of his cologne filled the aroma as his curly ringlets tickled my skin. Wait......What the hell am I doing? I then let go and started walking towards the door, him being shocked for a minute but started following afterwards. Wait wtf why is he shocked. Doesn't he hate me?

We got in the car and he started driving. "So, what the hell did you do?" He asked quite rudely. "Didn't they tell you." "Eh, I didn't care to listen." He scoffed. " I stole....Alcohol." I confessed. He then looked at me and started laughing. "What are you doing?" I asked as I was watching a weirdo ri....... And then I noticed his dimples peeking through. How his eyes twinkled and squinted as his laugh fi.... I shook my head, realizing this was Harry I was talking about.

"Its just I never saw you as doing anything.....bad." He said chuckling. "You know....when you're drowning, you don't actually inhale until right before your about to black out. Its called voluntary apnea. Its like no matter how much you're freaking out, the instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won't open your mouth until you feel like your heads exploding. Its like its a panic attack, you know? Like I cant even breathe. Like your drowning. And then when you finally do let it in thats when it stops hurting. Its not scary anymore. Its.....Its actually kinda peaceful. And though some people think if its about survival. Isnt a little agony worth it? Well, what if it just gets worse? what if its agony now and then, its just hell later on?" I said to answer his comment. He looked at me and chuckled, rolling his eyes. I scoffed turning my gaze towards the window. He then stopped. "Where are we? This isn't my house." I said. "Chill out. Its 3 in the morning. No way in hell am I driving all the way across town. We will go in the morning." He commanded. "ughhh fine. And im only saying that because your my ride and I don't feel like walking." I whined. As we walked into the motel, me and Harry made our way to a small desk where an old lady was looking at us with a smile. "Room for two? How many nights?" She asked. "Just one, thank you." He said politely. The Harry Styles was being polite? I thought id never see the day. Harry handed her a twenty and she gave him our room key. As we walked up the stairs I noticed the creamy like walls and the old, stained carpet. Eh, but honestly this is like one hundred times nicer than my house. We walked up to a door with the number 18 ( See what I did there :) And harry then opened the door.

I immediately ran inside and flopped my body onto the bed. And then I realized, there's only one bed! Harry could see my confusion and said " Its ok, Its not like im going to do anything with.....you." He insulted while looking up and down. "Dickhead." I mumbled under my breath. "Whatever." I spoke up. I then got up and took off my shoes and jacket. I looked over at Harry and saw him doing the same. And then he started taking off his shirt. I stood there in shock as I watched his hands glide to his torso taking the soft, cotton material into his large hands and slowly pulling it off. I noticed his masculine, fit body and couldn't help but cry inside. I then noticed his tattoos that covered his arms and chest. As I was in a daze I suddenly looked up to see him smirking.

I rolled my eyes and wanted to get him back. THAT'S RIGHT. I then turned and started to take off my shirt as well. I had a very petition frame with full breast, which I might add, im quite proud of. I had a tiny waist and then it got fuller as it went to my hips. I was wearing a black, lace bra that showed off my boobs more than I liked but it didn't bother me much. I turned to see Harry standing there amazed. WHOOP WHOOP. I looked at him with a smirk pretty much telling him, I WON. He rolled his eyes, mimicking my actions from before.

I kept my shorts on, because im not that risky. I mean come on. Im in a room with an 18 year old boy. I then got into the bed, rolling the covers over my body. Harry then followed after doing the same. We were both faced towards each other and I could feel him staring at me. "What?" I asked. "Nothing." He laughed. "Your so pathetic." He added. I then sat up and could see him still staring at me. He sat up as well looking at me intensely. "Why do you hate me? Because I promise you that if I knew the answer. I would fucking change it. Harry. You tell me how I'm......I'm pathetic and just.....ugh. Too much is wrong with me. That's the problem, isn't it. Too much is wrong with me......and you cant to anything about that, YOU CANT CHANGE IT. You can't fix me. Cause im not broken, I don't need to be fixed. Okay? IM ME. Life is like a game. Either you win......or lose. Some people have this perfect life and lives in a fantasy .And theirs some who are alone. They like being alone. Nobody can hurt you. But after a while you realize that living a life alone is not a life worth living. So telling me i'm a loner or that Im going to be alone for the rest of my life. Doesn't scare me." At this point I was over with all the bs. "Want to know a secret?" I chuckled , feeling the tears threatening to leave my eyes. "What?" He said, tensing up. "I don't want to live anymore." I then felt a tear roll down my check. I started to cry . I couldn't help myself.

"Ya know what? Forget it. Just forget I ever said anything." I ended. I saw him watery eyed . But at this point, I didn't care to ask why. I just went back to laying down, trying to force myself to go to sleep. And then I felt two arms wrap around my torso. I then turned to see Harry just staring at me. "What are y-" "Just, please." He interrupted. Soon enough I gave in and snuggled into his chest. His warm body radiating throughout mine. I could smell the scent of vanilla on his skin that instantly calmed me down. I don't know why he's doing this. But I can't help but fall, even after everything hes done.

Because the truth is that sometimes someone hurts you so bad, it stops hurting at all. Until something makes you feel again, and then it all comes back... Every word. Every hurt. Every moment. My past defines me. This is who I am. I am unseen.....unheard.....unwanted. That is what I am.....if even I am anything. Deeper and deeper I fell within myself. And nothing could show me out. How could you ever understand where I come from? Even if you ask, even if you listen. You do not really hear, or see, or feel. You don't remember my story. You haven't walked my path. You haven't seen what Iv'e seen. Trapped in the misery of my life. Lost in the sorrow of my soul. Nothing was how it was supposed to be. And a heavy sadness filled my soul. And maybe you wonder why, but mostly you try not to think about it, and try to survive..... I wish someone would tell me its going to be okay. That one day, maybe.... I'll feel normal. That I'll have a mom and dad. Who will hug me, and be strong for me. I know I am helpless. I can't do it all by myself.

Im just a lost little girl. Who didn't matter.......and didn't think she ever would. I wanted to wait until I got better before I moved out. But I never got better. And being in that house doesn't help, just makes things worse. But if I do move out. God knows what will happen. God knows what my mom would do to me. I just cant risk it. People said they could help me......but they couldn't. And now my life is over.... But like harry said. Im going to be alone forever. But what he doesn't understand is that its better to be alone. Nobody can hurt you.