Dead Without You ~ Jerrie Thirlwards (Sequel to Dead To Me)

•3•

Perrie sat down underneath a tree and pulled her journal from her bag, gazing off at the horizon for a moment before scribbling onto a blank page.

•••

Dear Jade,

You've completely broken my heart. Shattered it. Bashed it. I can't remember what love feels like anymore. All those sweet words we shared, all the promises we made. Were those all lies? Empty promises? Did I mean nothing to you? I know that you were only trying to move on from me because I was dead, but you seem completely fine. Like I never existed. Never meant anything to you.

Was the foundation of our love insidious lies? I hope not. You meant so much to me. You still do. You were — no — are my entire world, Jade. All of my thoughts revolve around you. I can't bring myself to forget about you. I always felt the happiest around you, Jade. You were like the light to lead me out of a dark tunnel, the medication that kept me alive. I know how much of a coward I am for not speaking to you and not sending this letter, but I intend to keep it that way. Primarily to protect myself from more heartbreak.

I lie awake at night thinking of you, and how you'd cuddle into my side when I felt uncomfortable, or how you'd murmur softly in your sleep. I think of those times when you'd wake me up with a gentle kiss or a warm smile. Or how you'd always rub my arms or back when I was tense. I think about how excited you'd get when you got a good exam grade or how your eyes would light up when I'd put on a Disney movie. All I ever think about is you.

I will never, ever stop loving you Jade. Not after I'm long dead, yet again. Not when the world is disintegrating and the sun destroys the Galaxy we once called home. Not even when the universe ceases to exist. It doesn't matter. You are the only one for me, Jade. You are the only thing that makes me truly happy.

I love you, Jade.

Sincerely, Perrie.

•••

Perrie let a single tear roll down her cheek and onto the page before she closed the leather-bound journal, not wanting to reread her letter. She knew that if she even glanced at the writing on that page, she'd lose it. Her sanity was barely hanging by a thread at this point, and she knew that the thread was fraying. Her sanity was slowly decreasing, and soon enough, she'd be plagued by the imaginative and the inconceivable. Her greatest nightmares would haunt her, and she'd be forced to run. Perrie used what little willpower she had left to stand from her position beneath the tree, for the sole reason of walking. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Perrie planned on walking until she couldn't even bear to stand anymore. Perrie needed to clear her mind of the dense fog that had been clouding the entirety of her brain. Each and every thought was hazed with the irreplaceable idea of Jade. Jade wasn't even a person to Perrie anymore. She was an emotion, a dream, a nightmare. Jade was merely an irreplaceable memory that Perrie would treasure for all of time. From one eternity to the next, Perrie planned on holding Jade close, no matter the circumstance.

Perrie had to cling onto Jade, because if she didn't, she wouldn't survive. Jade was like Perrie's life support. She was the only reason that Perrie had the will to live life. The reason that Perrie was still in this wretched hell. She was doing everything, succumbing to the pain, all for Jade. And Jade was completely clueless.

Perrie didn't have the slightest idea of where she was, regardless of how familiar the place seemed to her. She just couldn't put a finger to it. The cobbled paths and stone buildings seemed vaguely familiar to her, but she didn't know why. Perrie had never seen these buildings before, she would know if she had. The buildings were much too odd to be forgotten. they were so out of place compared to the rest of the area.