Georgia

Chapter 22

Caroline

I can now officially say I am a high school graduate! The end of my senior year came quick. It was just a blur of school activities, parties, final exams and finally graduation. As much as I sat there as a freshman counting down the days until it was over I might actually miss it. And I kinda regret being so shy and keeping to myself for so long. This year stepping up and putting myself out there has been fun.

With a lot of string-pulling from Jackson's dad, who happens to be on the admissions committee at Vanderbilt and my impeccable, goody two shoes record, I was able to get in. The week I spent in Nashville was amazing, I can't wait to be out there everyday. The best part is that I'll have Michelle out there with me. Jackson asked her to move in with him. I think it's a little crazy but she seems to love him a lot and he's nuts about her.

Things with James have been good but not at all like they used to be. From my side it's because of Luke. I still haven't told James that I saw him and that we hung out. Luke and I have talked and text back and forth a little. Mainly just joking around, being goofy. A few times the conversation has turned to us and remembering the perfect nights we've had together. I try to steer it away from that when it happens. It feels good to know that he thinks about it as much as I do but all it does is leave me wanting more.

I've tried to push my feelings for him aside and it just gets harder and harder to do with every day that passes. I think about him constantly, I dream about him, I find myself thinking of scenarios where we somehow end up in the same place again. I put some serious thought into going to Georgia Southern but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. What if Luke thought I was crazy for going there? How hard would it be to see him and his girlfriend together?

I have to tell James about everything with Luke. I feel horrible that I haven't. I guess I'm just waiting to see what's gonna happen with us. He's going to Arizona, I'm gonna be in Tennessee. That's a lot of distance. College for me has always been about getting away, starting over. Can I do that and still be with James? I never thought about the possibility of us ending up together. At the time I only thought about how hard it was gonna be to leave my best friend, now it's my best friend and my boyfriend I'm gonna be leaving.

My head and my heart are twisted and torn so much lately. I have James who is the one person in my life I've always counted on. He's the person that knows me the best. Even before we were together he was basically the other half of me. When I was sad, happy, mad, whatever was going on in my life James was the first person I'd run to. He's never not been there for me. He's smart and funny, so handsome and sweet.

Then there's Luke. The sexy, southern country boy who took me by surprise. When I'm with him it's like I feel awake, like I'm taking this big breath of fresh air. His laugh, his smile. That weak in the knees, heart pounding out of my chest feeling I get when he touches me is something I want to feel for the rest of my life. Luke was my first kiss, the first and only guy I've slept with and there's so much of my head and heart that can't stop thinking how I want for him to be the last.

I have to talk to James, I have to tell him how I feel. As much as I can't stand the thought of hurting him, it's not fair to either of us to keep going in the relationship when I don't know what I want and my heart is not fully in it. What is he going to say? What if he never wants to see me or talk to me again? Can I handle losing him? Should I risk everything we have for someone I can't even be with?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luke

My life has been a damn roller coaster the past few weeks. I got back to school after spring break on a high from that week performing in Nashville. Then there was the night with Caroline. We've been keeping in contact, talking here and there. When I'm on the phone with her, when we're texting back and forth, I feel like she's right there with me and it feels amazing. Then the wanting starts to kick in and I miss her.

I tried to focus on Katie and fixing whatever it is that was going on between us. Things just got worse. She became more distant, avoiding my calls, finding excuses why she couldn't see me. Eventually she broke down one night and told me what's been going on.

"I didn't mean for it to happen, Luke. It's not like I was out there looking to meet someone. I love you. I've always loved you, you know that. I just feel like we got into this relationship cause I was here and we felt like we had to try."

She's right. How many times have I thought that? "You should've just come to me, Katie. You didn't need to try to push me away. I would've understood."

"I know, I'm sorry. It's hard when we've known each other as long as we have. I always sort of saw myself with you in the future, that's a hard thing to let go of."

"I did too. For a long time. But things change, you know. Stuff happens and...I don't know."

"What's her name?" She asks with a smile.

"Uh..um...what?" I stutter.

"I know you pretty well. What's her name?"

I laugh, nodding my head, "Yeah I guess you do. Her name is Caroline. Nothing happened with her since we've been together though, you need to know that."

"I wouldn't think that, I know you're not that guy, Luke. Does she go here?"

"No she lives in Seattle."

"Seattle?"

"Yeah. I met her over the summer. She was in Leesburg with her dad. We only hung out for one night and then she left. I didn't talk to her or see her until my last night up in Nashville, she was there for spring break."

"You're in love with her. I can see it in your face."

It's a little strange to talk about Caroline with Katie but she's right, I am crazy about that city girl. "She's in Seattle. She's got a boyfriend. It wouldn't work."

"Thomas Luther when have you ever given up on something so easily?"

"Some things just aren't meant to be."

She gets up walking over to me and says "What if it is, Luke? You deserve to be happy, you should try to make it work. I'm always here if you wanna talk, cowboy." She gives me a hug, kisses my cheek and leaves.

That was probably the easiest most non-dramatic breakup in history. I guess when you both see it coming and you know each other as well as we do it's easier to get thru.

Driving home to Leesburg all I can think about is how I ended my summer last year torn up about wanting Caroline and now I'm starting summer this year the same way. I have to do something, I have to tell her how I feel. I know she feels the same way. But does she feel it enough to leave her boyfriend and be with me? Could we even make it work so far away from each other if she did?

I turn the radio up loud letting the music drown out the thoughts in my head and stare out at the road in front of me.