Georgia

Chapter 24

Caroline

It's only been three days since I had those difficult talks with James and Luke yet it feels like it's been forever. Three long, never ending, upsetting days. I haven't left my house, actually I haven't even left my room. I can't sleep, I have no appetite, I don't wanna do anything but lay here and think about how unbelievably stupid I am. What was I thinking? Taking a break from them and being alone was supposed to help me sort my feelings out and here I am feeling worse than I did before.

Neither one of them has called or text which on one hand I'm glad they're respecting what I wanted. But on the other hand makes me feel like me being absent from their lives has no effect on them whatsoever. How did I have two really great guys in my life and now I don't have either one?

I miss James. I tried to start going thru my things in my room deciding what I'm taking with me to Tennessee and I found so many things that remind me of him and all the good times we've had together. Stuffed animals he's won for me the countless number of times we've been to the Washington State Fair. Movie ticket stubs. Random stuff he buys for me in the checkout line at the grocery store when I send him out for whatever sweets I'm craving. The football from the homecoming game which was the first time we kissed. Pictures from when we were kids all the way up until the month before I left for spring break. We've had 18 years of friendship and there's so much of my life that is tied to him.

I barely got halfway thru anything before I started crying. I decided my clothes would be safe to start going thru until I opened my closet and saw Luke's jacket hanging there. I took it off the hanger and held it up to my face, it still smells like him. I gave up to return to the comfort of my bed.

I miss Luke. His jacket might be the only physical thing I have that reminds me of him but my head is full of incredible memories of bonfires and tree houses. Sitting on the tailgate of his truck swaying to his deep southern voice singing up on that stage. Him walking towards me not taking his eyes off mine and pulling me to him giving me my first kiss. Looking out at that forgotten pond and the beautiful story behind why it was there. Slow dancing under the big Georgia sky. Losing myself in him that night, falling asleep in his arms. I think about hearing his voice in that noisy bar. The way he looked at me when his eyes caught mine in the crowd. I remember walking around downtown Nashville with him, the passionate look he gets in his eyes when he talks about his country music dreams. Sitting up all night talking and laughing. Standing in front of my hotel saying goodbye. Walking thru those doors trying my hardest not turn around and run back to him.

Michelle comes bursting into my room switching the light on. I groan pulling the cover up over my face. "Really? That is so not necessary!"

"I think it is." She says pulling the cover down and off of me. "I think a shower might be necessary too. When's the last time you got out of this bed?"

"This bed is the only thing keeping me from completely losing it." I tell her grabbing my cover out of her hand.

She sits down on the edge of the bed looking at me, "Caroline I get that you're upset but you can't sit here like this. It's not healthy and it's not helping you figure anything out. Aren't you supposed to be sorting thru your feelings, deciding what you want? How are you doing that when you're laying in bed all day and night?"

"All I want right now is to be in this bed and under this cover. I think I messed up, Michelle. What if I just lost them both?"

"That's not gonna happen. James has been your best friend a lot longer than he was your boyfriend, he wouldn't just cut you out of his life like nothing. And Luke, well I don't really know much about him but from what you say and the way he looked at you that night at the bar he is crazy about you. You wanted time, they're giving that to you."