Georgia

Chapter 23

Caroline

"How do I do this Michelle? Am I gonna lose him?" I'm laying on my bed, my arm draped across my eyes on the verge of having a breakdown.

"You said it's not fair to James for you to be with him but confused about your feelings for Luke and you're right. Taking a break doesn't always mean a breakup. You need to just tell him."

"Is it worth it to even take the chance that our break will lead to a full on breakup?"

"James loves you, Carol. He'll understand."

"You know it'd be nice if just once I was the calm, cool and collected one in this friendship."

"I got some bad news for you girl, you're too crazy for that to ever happen!" She laughs. "Call me after you talk to him."

"Ok, bye." I hang up and text James.

*Hey. Think you could
stop by tonight after work?*

*Yeah. You ok?*

*We'll talk
when you get here*

James is here at my house sitting across from me at the kitchen island. I keep looking at him and I'm trying to make the words come out of my mouth but I can't. How do I do this? What words do you say when you're about to potentially lose a lifetimes worth of friendship and the only relationship you've ever had?

"What is it, Caroline? Just say it cause those looks you're giving me are getting a little scary."

"Sorry. I don't know how to do this. Or where to start."

He nods his head, looking down at the placemat in front of him. "I'd say probably start with Luke" he says looking up at me. "That's what this is about, right?" He continues not giving me a chance to respond. "Ever since you got back from spring break you've been distant, distracted. I didn't know what was going on until about a week ago I saw his name pop up on your phone screen. Then it kinda all made sense."

"James I...I'm sorry." Am I really surprised that he noticed? Most of the time he knows what I'm thinking before I say a word. "I ran into him in Nashville. We've just been talking here and there as friends, nothing more. But I'm just...I don't know, confused I guess. When I met him over the summer it was before we got together, before I realized my feelings for you. Things happened with him though that I thought I was over and then when I saw him again it all came back."

"So you want to be with him? With Luke?"

"I don't know what I want. It's not just about him. It's us too, with college and all that. We're gonna be so far apart next year and we haven't even talked about it. I just need some time right now to figure some stuff out. Some time alone to sort thru all of it."

"Don't do that Caroline. Don't try to put any of this on us being at different schools. It's not about that. It's about him. Is he getting the same talk? That you need time alone?" He says hurt and anger in his voice.

"Not yet but he will. This isn't just some excuse I'm giving you so I can be with him, James."

"I don't believe that."

"James I love you, you're my best friend. We've been thru everything together. Being with you has been amazing. I didn't think it was possible to get closer than we already were but we did."

"If that's all true then what do you need to sort out?" He asks, the sadness in his voice killing me.

"I just need time. What do you want me to say? What do you need to hear from me to make you stop looking at me like that? Like I'm this horrible person. You know I'd never intentionally hurt you. I'm sorry."