drop dead ; phan

i

with his shivering knees hugged desperately up to his rumbling stomach, choked out sobs gasped out of dan's chapped lips as he rocked back and forth to the repetitive sounds of chilling birds chirps and his own hitched breathing pattern. a half-empty can of cheep beer dug into the muddy aftermath of a rainy london night beside him; his fingernails raking through the soft earth as he continued to hiccup through the waves of tears that blurred his vision and ached his tremulous body.

he was sat in an empty cemetery, a place he painfully found himself far too often. no one ever seemed to visit the cracking granite graves that lied hidden beneath the overgrown bushes; their razor-edged thorns almost seeming to guard the bodies just a few feet below dan's crumpled beer can. or maybe more of a warning for the living than a shield for the dead, dan thought.

although he obviously didn't take much heed from this warning, as his mud-smeared shoes stumbled through the maze of seemingly endless amount of engraved names, the grounds vacant from any sound of a heartbeat.

he was sat in front of bluish-grey slab of stone meaning nothing more than any other rock to the birds that huddled often on it, or even to the groundskeepers or fellow, bloodshot-eyed grievers. and yet it was a stone that seemed to weigh heavier on dan's heart than any rock's literal weight ever could.

adrian m. howell

the elegance of the headstone font had always seemed too pretty to dan, as if mocking his deceased brother. as if putting a pretty font a few feet above a suicide body made it less of what it was.

his intoxicated eyes lingered hazily on the headstone as they had been doing routinely for the past eight months, before he staggered up to his unbalanced feet and retrieved a cigarette from his pocket. his breath hitched in his dry throat as he heard a crack of thunder spark across the dark grey sky above him; dragging a newly-lit flame to his nicotine. he inhaled deeply with the cigarette held loosely between his split lips, feeling the nicotine flood down his throat like a river of toxicity, streaming around his achy lungs.

the earthy scent of an incoming rain led dan's eyes up to the dismal sky, taking a prolonged draw and letting the hazy smoke bleed out from between his teeth as he turned towards the cemetery gates.

not many cohesive thoughts were able to travel through the haunted cobwebs and crevices that cursed the brunette's tainted mind, but in this moment there was one thing he needed.

vodka.

-

{12 months earlier}

the collating voices of rushed, echoing footsteps, grave gasps for oxygen, and taunting laughter sounded throughout the murky puddles that freckled the filthy streets of london. one of the sprinters, the one in front, ran as fast as he could as sweat, from both the relentless running and pure terror of what he feared was coming, drenched back his blonde hair; and the lingering aftermath of his earlier cocaine session blurred his bloodshot eyes as they teared up.

in an instant, a sharp, stinging pain pierced the back of his knee as a loud bang momentarily deafened him and his face slammed against the mud-flooded alley. amber city lights flickered against the pool of crimson blending into the mud around his helpless body, letting out a stifling scream into his jacketed arm. the bullet inside his leg seemed to scorch his entire body as he laid in the deafening silence of knowing he was as good as dead.

he couldn't hear his own throat-burning cries that clawed their way out from his singed vocal chords, but the sounds of his chasers catching up to him felt as loud as the gunshot. scraping his elbows against the crackling cement, he attempted to drag his body forward as he felt his hazy grip on reality slip out from between his fingers.

almost as if he had just died right there on the murky london pavement, he saw one of his pursuers kick his ribs, lurching him entirely onto his back and yet the blonde felt almost nothing. but he couldn't tell if his ghost-like feelings were that of the afterlife or that of prolonged drug addiction.

blood clawed it's way up his scorching throat and coughed out into the rain-pooling alley as he met the murderous gaze of his attackers. a vacant expression was painted over the one carrying the gun, although through the blurring rain the blonde thought he saw a smirk peaking at the corners of the darker-haired one's lips. the second pursuer, a lighter shaded brunette with stubble peaking around his facial features, didn't try at all to hide the mocking laugh under his breath.

the armed chaser, pushing his now-soaked, ebony-colored fringe out of seemingly glowing, blue eyes, leaned close enough to the blonde to place his shoe over the bloodied bullet wound. a piercing cry voiced from the victim's crackling throat as a sharp lash of thunder reflected light against every drop of water in the heavy downpour.

pouncing instantly to the ground, the killer slammed his palm against the blonde's mouth, muffling the scream until he eventually lifted the pressure on the wound.

"i've gotta be honest, i'm pretty disappointed in you, jai williams. i kinda liked you," the raven-haired man shook his head, quirking an eyebrow. "pl-please, phil, chris! i've always paid up e-eventually! i have a family, a-and a boyfriend, i've got d-dan, come on! i'll pay you back, dou-no! triple what i owe now!" jai pleaded through the choked-out hiccups and raspy sobs that corrupted his desperate cries.

phil exhaled deeply. "no, you won't. you can't. you shouldn't of stolen from us in the first fucking place," he scoffed, a sly grin growing across his murderous lips as he wrapped his fingers around the chilled gun in his back pocket.

threading through his manic thoughts that raced through his blurry mind, jai retrieved a sudden thought of how phil had instantaneously reacted upon him screaming. he inhaled deeply before using every strain of his vacant strength left in his stomach to let out a shrill scream. phil's eyes widened at the sudden noise and he collapsed to the ground to damper the piercing sound. but upon phil's return to jai's grasping levels, the blonde's tremulous fingers had latched onto the icy metal in the dark-haired man's pocket as phil jumped to the side in realization of his mistake.

bang !!

but too late as jai had already pulled the trigger, causing phil's oxygen flow to hitch in his throat in surprise. a deathly coalition of blood, sweat, and mud shadowed the brick wall behind phil as he felt the metal bullet in his shoulder shift excruciatingly. he fell back onto his uninjured arm as he stammered for oxygen, hearing the gun cock for the second time as he ducked to the ground.

jai hesitated, his gaze suddenly being drawn to the rapidly flickered on apartment lights, but phil only saw the blonde's vision alteration infused with his trickling blood loss as an opportunity as he snatched back his rifle. "go to hell, you son of a bitch," jai muttered under his dying breath, before turning compulsively to his side and choking out coughed up blood. the liquid crimson splattered onto phil's shoes as he scoffed, aiming the rifle at his nearly-unconscious victim's forehead before pulling the trigger.

bang !!

jai's body ceased its narcotics-infused shaking and shock-caused compulsions as mud-stained crimson pooled out from his body onto the rain-flooded cement underneath him.

"your mistake got blood on my new shoes," chris spat at his partner, kicking at the ground as sirens faintly sounded from the streets. "oh, piss off," phil hissed through his clenched teeth, wincing at the shifting bullet still inside his shoulder. chris's viridescent irises raked up and down the other's bloodied body, a smirk tainting his lips. "since when are you sloppier than me?"

phil shot his partner a deadly glare as his knuckles faded white while latching tightly over his pierced shoulder. "i'm not. now lets the hell out of here."