drop dead ; phan

ii

murderous packs of nicotine lay hidden in the dimmest shadows of dan's room; broken glass caking his carpet like a vodka-infused minefield. the stench of cheap beer and cheap thrills coated over the bedroom's atmosphere, weighing down the intoxicating oxygen.

the hungover brunette retrieved a new cigarette to his tremulous fingers, a multifaceted flame dancing around the nicotine. he ran his free fingers through his thinning hair as he prolonged a drag, stretching out his achy spine as he exhaled deeply. chocolate curls lay scattered across his sweaty forehead as he sighed in an apathy-ridden emotion, clouds of hazy grey smoke bleeding out from between his chapped lips.

"calm," he muttered, nicotine clouds latching around every syllable he spoke. "is this calm?" he inquired quietly to no one in particular, as he remained the only fragmented soul in the room. "is this how it feels?" he added as he turned on his side, his heavy eyes eyeing the demise-corrupted nicotine laying between his fidgeting fingers.

"hm," he mumbled absentminded as he returned the cigarette to between his teeth and tiredly rose to his feet. "hm."

-

his fourth cigarette for the day was held  loosely in his right hand as he exhaled a fatigued coalition of nicotine and depression, his shaky breath forming wisps in the wintry outdoors. he stepped through the coating of snow that now overlaid london's streets, slumping lazily through the sliding doors that thinly separated the buzzing, polyphonic gay club from the frost-bitten outdoors. he felt his senses become enveloped in the dangerously-alluring aroma of cheap vodka and desperation, feeling himself melt instantly into the crowd of bright, bloodshot eyes and whiskey-traced hickeys.

"already? it's only midnight," a familiar voice dimly chuckled from behind the bar as the bartender's hand cleaned an empty glass. "what'll it be tonight, my friend?" josh inquired, a specific but almost unnameable expression painted across his features dan could only place as disappointment. "vodka cranberry?" he spoke, not bothering to seek confirmation from the fatigued brunette before sliding the now filled glass towards him.

josh turned to another customer as dan downed his glass, inhaling the nicotine-infused atmosphere of watermelon vodka, glossy eyes, and cannabis leaking out from under the doors of what'll soon consist of hazed hangovers and drunken mistakes.

a song dan didn't recognize rang in his ears as he made his way to the overcrowded dance floor, starting to grind his wiry body against the mob of depressed men looking for a good time; the strobing white lights reflecting against the sweat and desperation that caked over every grinding body there.

skin on skin, lips biting lips. bodies ramming against dan's own as his trembling fingers stumbled to the hem of his shirt, peeling it off his chest as hungry fingertips clawed at his shoulders and carnal eyes met his fluttering gaze. heavy, panting breaths and alcohol-injected laughs voiced throughout the setting of the club, over-exaggerated moans leaking out from underneath the closed doors.

another sweaty, shirtless boy tripped against dan's chest, flashes of ebony-colored hair and azure irises appearing through the strobing lights. the boy dug his teeth into his bottom lip as they locked gazes, grinding roughly against each other's desperate skin. the man wrapped his long fingers around dan's wrists as he smirked, dragging the brunette away from the dance floor and back to the bar. a tall, tattooed man stood in the place of josh as the darker-haired man spoke for the first time to where dan could hear his husky voice. "bullet in the head," the man ordered, waving lazily to the bartender as dan quirked his brow. "can't tell if you're meaning the drink or if you're serious."