masterpiece || matthew espinosa

XI

A/N F U C K ^

Realizing that something you tried to prevent from happening again in re-starting sucks. I couldn't do anything about this. I mean it would be painful for me to try to stop relapsing, and I am positive that nothing would work.

Therapist say to do it for someone. Try to stay strong for someone other then yourself. Make someone else proud. I didn't want to make anyone proud. I have nobody to make proud. What's the point?

I wasn't trying to kill myself it just happened. Nothing happens just to happen.

The pill bottle and I had a standoff. I stared at it trying so hard not to give in. Trying to say no. But it was hard. To get rid of them all I had to do was drop them down the toilet, but for some reason that would mentally break me.

The toilet seat was up, the pill bottle open. Just one hit and the pills were gone. Not that it's hard to find them again, but it would be easier. I did it. A swift hit and the pill bottle and pills went into the toilet.

I pulled the pill bottle out and flushed the toilet. I laughed at the thought that I would go too school high.

Things got heavier for me ever since Matt left me at the restaurant. I was over it too the max, but I just fell down a black hole and couldn't get out. It happens for me. Anytime, it will come and then disappear, and for any reason. This time there was no reason.

Jaxson was outside my house waiting for me for school. "Hey," he blew heavy smoke at me, and I coughed. I ignored his hello. "Give me one." He stared at me for a minute then tossed me a cigarette and lighter. "You weren't addicted to smoking were you?" He slung his arm around my shoulder.

"No." Yes

He shrugged it off continuing to walk to school with me. I took a drag looping my arm threw Jaxson's. "What was Africa like?" I asked blowing the smoke out of my mouth. "Hot. Africa is full of really good people. Safari animals. It's lit."

I didn't answer, I just contained walking. Taking drags after drags. I saw the blonde kid that ditched me at dinner ahead of us. "It's that romeo kid." Jaxson said. I chuckled causing Matthew to turn around.

I didn't feel like talking today. I blew smoke in front of my face, but once it cleared Matthew saw my face. "Evangeline?" I sighed, "That's me." His mouth parted. "You smoke?" I shook my head, "Not normally."

The look on his face was full of confusion. "Uh, well when your free to talk just hit me up." I felt bad for giving him short answers. What happened to art? My god.

"I'll text you," he nodded and went to talk to Bobby. . .

Whatever.

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"I just wanted to say I'm sorry again for coming to your window, and blowing you off. I like you and just want to start over." You don't even know me. "It's fine, Matt. You have other priorities, and I understand that." His shoulders fell. "Bobby. . . I think she likes me and-"

"Yeah, I'm not up right now for being in a war zone."

He rubbed his face. I'm pissing him off. "You don't understand though. I like you not her." I blew out, "You don't know me though." His eye brows went up, "I know you better, then you think I do, E." I gave him a look.