Diary of a Non-Binary

Part Fourteen

Sometimes I feel like going up and slapping one of my "friends" in the face and then telling them they can ignore it because it's "just the way I was raised to be". It makes no sense judging someone by their gender identity and then trying to justify it with Christianity. Absolutely nowhere in the Bible does it say anything about trans people of gender identity anywhere. If someone can show me somewhere where it says that, please do, and I will completely drop the subject. Seeing as no one has yet, I will assume they're just being assholes for the fun of it.

Je ne suis pas une fille.

Je suis un garçon.

Je n'aime pas seul les filles mais les garçons aussi.

Je ne suis pas normal, mais j'adore lui

(I only translated this into French in hopes of coming out to people in my french class easier, here's the English translation)

I'm not a girl.

I'm a boy

I don't only like girls but also boys.

I'm not normal, but I love it.

*A couple days ago, during band class*

While we were playing, a lady came in and talked to Wilhelm, the band teacher. She said she was there to measure for the dresses the girls we're getting for concerts, and she took girls with her along the rows. My whole row being girls besides me, I got maybe a little more than panicked. It was one more person away from me before the class ended. I was shaking and I was probably hyper ventilating. I didn't know what to do, and I barely even noticed the bell ringing and everyone standing up and leaving. I stood up with difficulty and I went to talk to my boyfriend like I always did.

"She's gonna make me wear a dress, I know it." I said, my voice shaking just the same as the rest of my body, "She's gonna make me wear a fucking dress."

"Yeah, you should probably talk to her about that." He replied, also trying to calm me down.

I looked over at her, she was already talking to three other people before me. I started pacing around thinking about what I was supposed to say. I went to go talk to her and she didn't notice me until she was done talking to the others. My eyes were already tearing up. Damn my overactive emotions.

"What's wrong, Ryan?" She asked me, obviously worried.

"I don't have to wear a dress, do I?"

"What?" She said. I repeated myself. "Oh no, if that's not what you're comfortable with. We can get you in a tux if that's what you want."

I couldn't say anything, I was choking on everything, drowning in my panic, still not going away.

"Hey, you can wear whatever you want, I got you girl." She said reassuringly. It didn't help, her last word only made it worse.

"Do you want to talk? We can step into my office." And she pulled me into her office.

I sat down and I tried to explain myself for about 5 minutes without any words coming out. She kept asking me if there was something else that was bothering me. I finally said it:

"That's the thing though, I'm not a girl." I said, tears starting to stream down my face.

It finally clicked in her head. "Oh, okay, that's cool. That is totally fine with me. I have absolutely no problem with that. In fact, I think it's great that you know that that's what you are and you're serious about it. That's really cool. I think people that can't handle the way you are are stupid and they really piss me off."

She kept asking me if she offended me in any way and saying she was really sorry if she did, I told her it was okay and there wasn't really a problem with her. She was so sorry she even asked me if I wanted some of the sweets she keeps in her office, but I turned them down, mostly because I didn't want to have to sit there and eat it and I hate taking food from people when they offer it out of pity. 

Afterwards, I kept thinking about what she said and it's really true. People that can't handle me the way I am don't deserve most of my attention. I couldn't stop smiling the entire weekend.