Some people have big dreams and can think of great things they want to accomplish. One of the biggest accomplishments of mine is being able to shower with the light on again. It's gotten to the point where I turn the water on really hot to the point I worry I'll burn myself just to make sure the mirror fogs up so I can't see the body I hate so much. Additionally, there's so much steam made that I'm almost choking on it. It should feel bad, but it's relaxing in a weird way. Maybe I'm unconsciously trying to find something to remotely compare to the suffocation inside...
I went out to dinner with my family and my cousin, and I'd gotten 27 marks from one sitting. Only two of them were from my cousin, and I haven't told her anything about my life really. What baffles me is that my mom tells me she's going to try to use the right pronouns and everything, and then when my dad is around, she ignores everything and doesn't try at all. It's like a switch, and she tells me she "forgets". I want to remind them whenever they use the wrong pronouns to use the right ones, but the words just won't come out. They're trapped in my throat, like it wants me not to tell them, to seem like even more of a mess to everyone.
Sometime I wonder if any of this is even real. I suppose everyone thinks about it every now and then, it's only natural, but this feels different than your regular "questioning reality". I feels as though all of this is some huge lucid dream and I'll wake up some day with my body the way it's supposed to be and I'll be able to hang out with my bros and just be a normal teenage boy with nothing to worry about.
It's just not fair that some people don't have to worry about things like which bathroom they should go into or how many layers of clothes is too much or trying to keep their voice low, while on the other hand those are my daily worries. A good world would seemingly let everyone be equal, although I suppose that could get boring. There's no excitement in life if no one gets yelled at or bullied or straight-up attacked. Our society's sense of excitement is seriously fucked up.
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Diary of a Non-Binary
Non-FictionThis is just a collection of small stories of my daily life as a Non-Binary male. Includes bits from my perspective and some tips for my fellow trans* people. TOTALLY not finished, definitely a working progress, but I've decided to give you what I h...
