Damaged » h. styles au

Chapter 34 - Kirsten

warning: this chapter needs to be rewritten. I'll work on it and as soon as I repost it, I'll let you know. Also, PLEASE read the author's note, and also read the new chapter of MTJA

                                                                    34.  

                                                             ●•Kirsten•●

I… I hate you, Styles! God dammit, stop!

What is he doing to me? What is this weird thing going on my stomach that makes me want to throw up? I’ve never felt this way before, and I can’t lie, I’m liking it. In a weird way that makes me want to runaway, ‘cause I’m scared, but… I like it. I really want to pull away and go back home, go back to Tyler, where I’m sure of what I’ll feel, sure of what is going to happen to my body, aware of every single option, when with Harry I’m not…

 Wait. Did I just call him Harry? Sh–t.

I want to pull away, I want to hide from him; I know this is so wrong but… I just can’t. It feels so good to be in his arms it’s actually scary. This can’t be happening. He can’t be falling. And yet, I just heard him saying he already has, and hard. How? Why? I’m not worthy. Can’t he see my life is not a teenage dream? I don’t live in this world where everything is fair and fine; he’ll be disappointed on me. I know he will. So why is he insisting? I’m begging him to go away, at the same time I’m praying he’ll say no. The f–ck?

“I’ll stay…” he whispered, hugging me tightly and I tightened my grip around his neck, afraid he might leave now that I’m feeling… weird.

“You’re stupid,” I whispered back, not even noticing I was crying. Why?

Styles laughed, kissing my cheek gently and looking me in the eyes before kissing me again. And I can’t stop him, I can’t even stop myself when I start kissing him back, wanting him closer and closer, dying to have a bit more. But he stops me when I try to turn our kiss into something more intense; he pulls away, pecking my lips and making it gentle. Ugh! It’s frustrating. I need more.

“C’mon, it’s getting cold in here and it’s about to rain,” he completely let go of me, only taking my hand on his while I stared at his moves. I still couldn’t walk, there’s something that keeps me paralyzed here. “Kirsten… Let’s go inside. Or you want to wait for the rain so I can kiss you here again?” he laughed, but my expression was still immutable. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m scared.

“Please…” I whispered, squeezing his hand the hardest I could, though it wasn’t really hard enough. I was weak now.

Styles stared at me as I slid down the wall until I hit the floor, hiding my face in my knees and sighing for what seemed to be the thousandth time since I arrived there. He sat next to me, putting one of his arms around my shoulders and pulling me closer to him; burying his face in my messy hair.

“What is wrong, Kirs…?” the way he said it… Ugh! I asked him not to call me that way. It makes me shiver. Feels like we’re intimate. We’re not intimate!

“I don’t know…” I honestly said, sobbing softly as he kissed the top of my head, moving his hand to my face again and making me look at him. He was warm; I liked his touch.

“Hey… Do you want me to take you home?” he asked, blinking a couple of times as the first drop of water fell from the sky.

I shook my head, not wanting to face Lana and Angel right now. I didn’t want to face anyone right now; I was so exhausted of this. So exhausted of Tyler telling me I’d be nothing without him. His past is not better than mine, to be honest. He needs me as much as I needed him. I’m not the only one dependent of that relationship.