Keep A Heart (Sequel to Fix A Heart)

Chapter 6

Keep A Heart

Chapter 6

"You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it." -Albert Einstein

Blair's POV:

A week and a few days had went by, and things still didn't feel normal. It felt odd not being able to rest my hand upon my baby bump like I used to. But that feeling is supposed to be replaced by actually holding you're baby, which Harry and I haven't even done. At night when Harry and I are falling asleep, I wait until Harry drifts off to cry because I know he hates to see me like that. So I silently sob into his chest and pray he doesn't awake as the tears fall upon his bare chest.

But Harry. I haven't seen him playing his music at all, and I don't even hear him sing in the shower as he usually does. Sometimes it's as if he's just staring off into space as we watch tv together. But even I myself can't pay attention either, terrible thoughts about what could happen to Brynn always entering my mind. We visit our baby girl each day for a few hours, but Harry seems to be reluctant to even leave the house to go to the hospital anymore. And he always pleads that we leave earlier and earlier each time we go, unable to take it any longer. I know he try's to hide his emotions from me, but he can't. I see right through him, and he seems broken.

Brynn still hasn't gained weight, still terribly below a normal, healthy weight for a newborn. She still has those awful monitors hooked to her, but I know that it's only to make her better. I think that Harry only sees it as she's sick. I don't think he tries to think positively about her health, I suppose that he's thinking the worst at all times. While I am just hoping and praying for her to become healthy. I received a crying Sadie at my door the day I got home, which had made me burst into tears also. We got calls from each of the boys, and they said they'd hope to see us very soon. We had visited my dad yesterday, and he held me in his arms after I told him everything.

Right now, I sit on the couch with a book in hand, my gaze fixated on the pages, not reading, but just staring at the words. I supposed Harry was in our bedroom, but knew I thought wrong as I hear dishes clanking in the kitchen. I gently set my book down onto the coffee table to stand to my feet, a familiar odd feeling settling over me at not having to have Harrys large hand to help me up like he used to. Everything in the house has been quiet lately. Harrys choice of music would usually be playing around the house, and I would sneakily change his song to one of my own, sending Harry to playfully chase me around the house. There hasn't been any late night laughs underneath the bed sheets in our bedroom. Harry hasn't been his playful cheeky self in what seems like ages. And when Sadie had visited me the day I arrived home, Liam tagged along as usual. And a lump had formed in my throat as I saw Harry hug Liam, noticeable tears forming in his eyes before Liam took notice, taking Harry from the room to speak to him in private; probably to comfort him. But I never asked what they had talked about.

When I open the kitchen door Harry turns to the source of the sound, looking to me briefly before returning to the dishes in the sink. He has to lean down much further than me because of his large height to load the dishes into the dishwasher. "You didn't have to do that." I speak as he loads the last dish, wiping his hands on a towel.

He simply shrugs his broad shoulders before shutting the dishwasher with his foot. I've noticed he's doing more things around the house, and I'm wondering if its to keep him occupied and to distract himself, or to help me. But he's made our bed a few times, fixes the pillow on the couch when they are misplaced. He keeps the windows open alot, and I know that he does that for me. He knows that rain and storms make me happy, but lately it hasn't. I used to be able to sit on the couch with Harry as we cuddled together and watch as it drizzled away outside, but now, I only wish to know what it would be like for Brynn to witness it for the first time.

The nursery door is sealed shut, neither of us have stepped a foot inside the room which used to bring a spring of joy to my entirety when I witnessed our footprints displayed on the floor. "I was wondering if you wanted to go to the hospital." I say, leaning gently against the door frame as he turns to face me.

I crave to see his dimples that indent in his cheeks when he smiles, but they haven't been around these past few days. Neither has the sparkle in his now, dull, green eyes. I realized just how much he used to make me laugh and smile, as to not having been doing those two things much either. He shrugs his shoulders again, leaning against the counter top. "Whenever you want to." He murmurs.

My shoulders slouch in disappointment, hating this silence in our relationship. Aren't we supposed to make this easier on each other? Shouldn't we be trying our hardest to keep each other happy right now instead of keeping quiet?

"I wan't to go right now, but you don't really seem up for it." I respond hesitantly, taking to note that evening is rolling in. His eyes are glued to the floor. It makes me miss when I would catch him gazing at me from across the room, instead of how he seems to avoid eye contact with me now.

"I mean, I guess we could go later. I just wan't to see her today." I almost whispered the word 'her', noticing the furrow of Harry's brows as the certain word was spoken. When he doesn't respond to me I push myself from the doorframe, walking up to him.

"Harry." I say softly to gain his attention, a hand being lifted to rest on his cheek. He finally looks up to me, his eyes flickering over my face quickly before looking past me, arms crossed over his chest.

"You can go without me today." His voice was hushed as he spoke, his eyes meeting mine. It took me a second to regain my composure before nodding slightly, ignoring the lump forming in my throat as we remain to look at each other.

I was waiting for him to steal a soft kiss, or to even touch me at all. But his arms remain crossed over his lower chest, my hand now resting on his shoulder. But all hopes and desires for even a kiss vanished as he broke eye contact with me, sliding out between my body and the counter. My hand falls from him as he walks away without another word spoken, leaving me with a sore throat which warned me tears were coming. I held my breath for a few seconds before releasing the oxygen, taking two long breaths to regain myself before staggering out of the kitchen. Harry is no where to be seen as I exit the kitchen, so I silently gather my things to go to the hospital alone.

Harrys POV:

I make my way out of the kitchen, taking deep breaths to control my rising heartbeat. I can't stand to see that look in Blair's eyes, to see disappointment and sadness. And most of all, I can't stand to see my baby girl which I've been waiting for trapped up in that hospital crib. I hate not being able to hold her, not being able to be the one to put her to bed at night along with Blair. I always feel the urge to leave when we go to the hospital. I've begun to hate that place.

When I reach Blair and I's bedroom, I sit upon our bed. The bed which we used to huddle underneath the blankets together, stealing kisses and touches as we talked. Some mornings I wake up and Blair is already out of bed, and I don't go looking for her right away as I would have usually done. I take my shower and later find her reading her book on the couch, an empty coffee cup nestled between her legs. I used to drink my coffee with her as she leant against my chest reading her book, and I would sometimes read a few sentences from the page she had been reading, not really understanding how books captivate her so much.

I fold my hands together as I glance around the terribly silent room, my eyes settling on the guitar leant against the wall across from me. I don't even feel the urge to pick it up as I usually do in my spare time. It's like this situation has flipped my life around completely. Thoughts spring to mind of having a drink or two to come my nerves. So instead I stand up, walking to my side of the bed to open my nightstand drawer, digging to the back for my notepad. My eyes flicker over my uncompleted song for Blair, gently sitting on the edge of the bed. I read all the lyrics I had wrote down, until they come to an end where I had been unable to find the right word for the next line. I rack my brain for a few minutes, trying to find the perfect words to put into the song. But after a few minutes of no success, I sigh, shoving it back into my nightstand drawer.

*******

After taking a shower and making a microwave dinner, Blair still hafn't returned from the hospital. I ended up in bed alone, flipping through the channels on the tv before giving on on waiting for Blair to come home, turning out the lights and closing my eyes.

Blair's POV:

The rain pelted again the windows in my car that's parked just down the block from my house, the wind shield wipers swiping the rain away, only to he drenched by the rain again in a second. I sit in the driver seat, my knees to my chest as my forehead rests upon them, tears flowing involuntarily out of them.

I had to watch the doctors stick Brynn with needles to take her blood when I was visiting, and I had to witness her cry and not being able to even pick her up to give her comfort. And Harry wasn't even there. He hasn't even called to see what's been keeping me out for hours. I've been sitting her for about an hour, listening to the rain pelt against my car as I cry, the radio turned down to nothing. I couldn't even stop the sobs and noises escaping from my mouth, wishing I had Harry here to tell me it was okay, but he's not around much anymore. Of course he's with me, but he's not there. He's not the normal Harry anymore. And I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm the only one keeping us on our feet.

After another half hour of sitting there, I force myself to put the car into drive. Once in the driveway to my house, I get out of the car, not bothering on trying to shield myself from the rain as I walk up slowly to the house. I open the door, my hair dripping on the tiled floor as I enter. I take off my wet jacket, hanging it on the hook and shoving off my rain boots. I could tell Harry wasn't up, all the lights turned off except the one in the hallway. I knew he left it on for me.

While walking down the hall I turn the light off, cracking open our bedroom to meet pitch black. The weird hiccuping that you do after you cry still courses through my body, as well as tears. But I don't try to push them away since Harry is asleep, stripping down to my bra and underwear, too lazy to change before pulling back the sheets to my side of the bed. Harry is clinging to his pillow, turned away from my side of the bed which only made me want to cry harder. He never used to stay on his side, sprawled across the big mattress and on my side also, hugging onto my pillow and replacing me for it when I got in bed. But not tonight. He remains in his place as I settle into the covers, and I pull them over me, tear spots already on my pillow as I turn away from him, crying myself to sleep again.


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Authors Note: I know it's not very long and I keep telling myself to make the chapters longer but it never happens D:

But I hope you liked it and stick around and cope with me:p haha <3

*tries to go to my profile on wattpad*

"Wattpad is currently over capacity"

Me: *whispers* What The Fuck

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