90s Queen Bee #Wattys2016

Chapter 23 - Best friends

2015

I was half way through my bottle of wine and my girl crush on Alex Vause was getting stronger when there came a knock at the door. Who the hell was that? It was almost 11pm. I hoped it wasn't a neighbour asking me to turn the volume down.

I especially hoped it wasn't the hot neighbour I'd seen every now and then through his window cooking shirtless in his kitchen. I was wearing my trackpants and a hoodie covered in crumbs from the biscuits I'd been scoffing down.

'Who is it?'

'It's Penny. Let me in.'

Sighing, I opened the door.

'What the hell Penny?' I flung my arms out as she strode into my living room.

'Okay, I apologise for what I said back there, but it just came out.' She swivelled around to face me. 'You were being unbearable.'

'How was I unbearable?'

'It was like the Sammy and Robin show tonight – and you had to drag me into it.' She put one hand on her hip and the other on her forehead. She closed her eyes and moved her head from side to side, like she had a headache. 'You still don't see it, do you?'

'No, but I'm sure you're about to tell me.'

She opened her eyes and dropped her arms down to her sides. 'Ever since uni, you've turned into someone just like Robin – don't you realise that?'

I was experiencing de ja vu. It felt like we were back on the oval at Willis High and she was calling me a bitch.

'I don't think so,' I said cautiously. A queasy feeling welled in my stomach as I wondered if she was right. Flashes of shameful examples rotated in my head, like I was looking through one of those toy view-masters I had when I was a kid. Going out with that guy from my uni tutorial just to make my ex Steven jealous. Click. Kissing Melissa Conner's boyfriend to get revenge on her for flirting with Steven. Click. Telling Christina Jackson that she should really do something about her hair in front of everyone at the uni tavern. Cick. Barking at Nina to shut up about her wedding. Click. Calling Timothy Barnes dumb for misspelling words on his PowerPoint presentation slides. Click. Making a remark about Viv's outfit to deliberately make her feel self-conscious. Click. Click, click, click.

'It's true.' Penny insisted. 'And tonight was the worst. You seemed to go out of your way to give the impression that you boss me around, just like Robin bosses Teaghan and Lauren around.'

'I don't boss you around, do I?'

Penny face softened slightly. 'Not really, but you do operate like Robin sometimes.'

I swallowed and looked down at the carpet. Man, it really needed a steam clean. 'Go on,' I said. Maybe I needed to hear some home truths from the person who knew me better than anyone.

'You instigate most of the rivalry you have with Viv. You only want Colin because Viv wants him.'

'That's not true,' I said defensively, thinking back to the warm feeling I got when Colin kissed the back of my hand. 'I really like him.'

'Okay, sorry,' Penny waved her hands in front of her like she was trying to erase what she'd just said, 'but I don't think it started out that way. You also need to realise that it doesn't matter how skinny you are or how many tight dresses you buy, Robin, Teaghan and Lauren will never respect you. And why would you want them to? They're not nice people. You need to stop caring what people like that think of you.'