Going Solo

Part 10

Tony

I sped off towards my mother's house. I can't believe Nicole got a boyfriend. And exactly how long does he plan on staying at her house? I had to talk to Nicole. I dialed her number and put her on speaker phone.

"What, Tony?"

"Oh? Your boyfriend is okay with you being on the phone with me?"

"I'm hanging up."

"Alright fine!" I interjected before she hung up, "Abby misses you. I do too."

"Look, I love that kid like she's my own... but she's not. We can't pretend that nothing happened. I can't keep doing that anymore." she whispered.

I was silent. I had hoped that at least, if she didn't want to be a family with me, she would want to be there for Abby.

"Tony, I can't keep this up. I'm serious this time. It's over."

Then the dial tone. She'd hung up. I felt my hands tighten against the wheel and my foot involuntarily weighed down on the gas pedal. It was dark out and I was entranced by the speed and the way the headlights of my car shined against the road in the dark. Nicole said it was over. Maybe this time, she meant it. After all, she had gotten herself a boyfriend.

I couldn't help but think back to the times when it was just me and her. Me and Nicole had been together since high school and no matter what, we were always together. Me and her, against the world. But I had to mess it up. I just couldn't let myself be happy. Me and my boys were out one night and this beautiful woman was into me. I just shrugged her off. My boys were teasing me. 'Why are you so stuck on Nicole?' 'Man you're so whipped!' 'Ya'll ain't even gonna last.' 'Come on man, she doesn't even have to know.' I could hear their voices now, reverberating through my head. It was just like that night. That night after I'd gotten drunk, over some stupid argument I had with Nicole and all I could hear were their voices.

'Why are you so stuck on Nicole?'

'Man, you're so whipped!'

'Ya'll ain't even gonna last.'

'Come on man, she doesn't even have to know.'

The next thing I knew, I was at home sleep in my bed. I didn't even remember what had happened that night. A month later, the girl from that night knocked on my door. Nicole was over at my house. I recognized the girl's face, but knew neither her name, nor the reason she knew where I lived. She didn't say anything, just handed me a paper bag and left. I shut the door and opened the bag. The first thing I saw, was the note. I'll never forget what it said.

I know we don't know each other and I never wanted this either, but I'm pregnant. I don't know what to do with this baby. But I have a life ahead of me and in my mind, that life never included a child. I'm sorry, but I thought you should know. I'm sure you don't believe me, but the proof is in this bag.

-Tiana

I opened the bag. A positive pregnancy test. I dropped the bag and ran outside, thankful that she was still sitting in her car parked in my driveway. She got out the car.

"This isn't funny! If this is some kind of sick, twisted joke, or scheme, you can quit it now, cause I don't play games!"

She just stared at me looking like she wanted to cry. I did too. I dropped to my knees, beginning to get the worst feeling, that she was telling me the truth.

"How are you sure it's mine?" My voice was weak, ready to break.

"I don't want anything from you, I just wanted to let you know."

She turned to get back inside the car.

"Please!" I screamed, begged, pleaded. "If this is my child don't get rid of it. Don't kill my baby!"

I had no idea at the time, that Nicole had picked up the paper bag that I'd carelessly dropped to the floor. And seen the pregnancy test. She'd sat there waiting till I came back inside. With my eyes squeezed shut and back against the door, I had no idea what was coming when Nicole slapped me. Hard. Right across my face. She asked me if it was true. When I couldn't say anything, she left. Even if it wasn't mine, I had cheated on her. I hadn't spoken to Nicole for nine months. The baby was born and it was a baby girl. My baby girl. I knew just by looking. I'd had a DNA test done later to prove it, but I knew the moment I held her. The mother, Tiana, wanted no part of being a mother. She didn't even want to name her. So I named her Abigail. I read in a book of names that it meant, 'My father's delight'. We agreed that I would take care of Abby. My job as a Real Estate Appraiser allowed me the finances and my mother had no problem watching her for me when I wasn't around.

One night, when Abby was about 3 months, Nicole came by to drop off a box of my stuff and things I had given her. She was putting the box on the porch when I came to take the trash out after putting Abby to sleep. She was surprisingly calm. I begged her to come in and talk to me. She came in and we talked for a little while, before Abby woke up crying. We both rushed to her side and Abby started smiling.

"She looks just like you." Nicole said.

I smiled and before I knew it we'd made plans to meet up the next day. She'd forgiven me. Somehow she had looked past my mistakes and forgiven me. The next 3 months were great. Or so I thought. We had become a family. Me, Nicole, and Abby. Nicole came over like she used to, she watched Abby for me, we even went out for dinner a few times. And then she said she couldn't do it anymore. She said she was almost through with college, aiming for an internship, and couldn't be a mother to Abby. She said we never talked about what happened. But I thought she'd forgiven me. There wasn't any reason we should bring it up again. I was wrong, she said. And she couldn't stand it anymore. She left and this time, she didn't come back. That was 5 months ago. Abby is almost a year old. I've tried to talk to Nicole, but she always shuts me down. Now all of a sudden she has a boyfriend. What happened to us? Why can't we go back to the way it used to be?

Before I knew it I was at my mother's house. I hopped out of the car and used my key to unlock the door, my mom was on the couch with Abby in her lap. She smiled and told me about their day together. I scooped Abby into my arms and gave her a kiss.

"Say bye to Grammy." She smiled in response. I gave my mother a kiss goodbye and thanked her for watching Abby.

"Anytime." she smiled as she closed the door. I strapped Abby in her car seat and gave her the stuffed animal that I picked up for her earlier. Once I strapped myself into the driver's seat and headed home, I could hear Abby's giggles and gurgling as she played with her new toy. I might have wanted my relationship with Nicole to go back to the way it was, when it was just the two of us, but I could never regret what happened, all because of the little ball of sunshine in the back seat.