I Write For Me

01/02/2016

"I have been having these thoughts" I told her. 

It is so quiet in the room that if you would have dropped a needle you could have heard it loud and clear. I didn't want to fill the silence with my voice, but if I didn't she would probably have, and that would have been worse. 

I have always liked silence. I read somewhere that you have the most extraordinary thoughts in silence, however they can also be the deadliest.

The only thing you could hear was the sound of her pen hitting the notebook in her lap. The book filled with notes of every word I say, and movement I make. The though of a simple book having my deepest, darkest thoughts, and secrets captivated inside it scares me.

Her glasses hangs low on her nose as she looks down at the book.

"What kind of thoughts?" She finally asks after analyzing me from top to toe.

"Scary thoughts" I didn't want to go into to much detail, even though I know I have to. She didn't say anything. She just looked up from the book and raised her overdrawn eyebrows expecting me to continue on my own.

I sigh. "I was in my friends car. We were just sitting there listening to music when I just suddenly got a thought. I just started thinking about opening the car door and jumping out." I could hear her pen moving in a fast pace, writing down everything I say, word, for word.

"I don't know why. I didn't think of anything sad, and I definitely didn't want to do it. The thought just kind of appeared" I explained. It kind of scared me how such a though can just appear in your mind, having no attachment to a previous thought what so ever.

"Do you want to die?" She asked emotionless, probably from asking that same question at lest five times a day.

"No" I answered honestly. "No I don't want to die, but I do want do disappear to someplace else"

- endless_styles