I felt awkward and unsure about how I should behave around Phillip. He was my boss and lover. It was funny, no one knew that Phillip and I were secretly having an affair. After we came back from Miami, we continued like nothing had happened. Except for making goggly-eyes at one another, it was business as usual. Two weeks after my return, I began once again having sexual desires for Phillip. I e-mailed Phillip and conveyed this to him in code.
FROM: Torah James
TO: Phillip Sanders
RE:
Message: Phillip, all I want to do is get next to you.
Phillip responded 10 minutes later with the following e-mail message:
FROM: Phillip Sanders
TO: Torah James
RE:
Message: You're already there, nothing else has to been done.
I smiled and shook my head. I was having fun. So I e-mailed Phillip another and more direct message.
FROM: Torah James
TO: Phillip Sanders
RE:
Message: When can I see you again? I need your assistance.
FROM: Phillip Sanders
TO: Torah James
RE:
Message: I am not sure, but the question is how and where.
FROM: Torah James
TO: Phillip Sanders
RE:
Message: I don't know the where's or how's. You act like I
have done this before.
FROM: Torah James
TO: Phillip Sanders
RE:
Message: All I know is that I am hot for you and want you
right now.
FROM: Phillip Sanders
TO: Torah James
RE:
Message: Don't talk like that! I have to go, see you tomorrow.
I was dismayed. I had just told this man that I desired to be with him sexually. I had sent the e-mail message in the hope that it would sexually arouse him, not to disgust and turn him off. I thought men enjoyed it when women talked dirty. What was the problem? I was deeply puzzled by Phillip's last e-mail message. As I re-read the message, the side door next to my office opened. It was Phillip. His face was washed with mixed emotions.
I did not know what to say and the first words that came out of my mouth were, "I am sorry, I did not mean it."
"I know," he said, in a very shaky voice. "See you on tomorrow."
Phillip's reaction to my e-mail message made me feel like a cheap slut. I would never again use that type of smutty language to convey my desire to any man.
I had problems sleeping that night and wondered what Phillip was thinking. I could not get over the way his face looked when he came in the side door. I played and replayed the entire incident in my head. I did not want Phillip thinking badly of me or viewing me as some sort of nymphomaniac. I decided the best thing to do was to have a little talk with him to explain my behavior and apologize for my actions.
