She's a Woman

Chapter Eighteen: When a Man Loves a Woman

I was in such a muddled state that I didn't realize until too late what I'd done. My vision blurred and the blood throbbed in my head. The amazing sensation of adrenaline pulsed through my veins. It felt wonderful to have screamed out my secret at the top of my voice, but I also wanted to break down and cry for being so careless and hasty. I felt tears trickling down my face and wiped them away quickly, scared in case Paul sneered at me for being such a baby.

Paul didn't sneer. He didn't say anything at all. He just stared.

There was an awful silence. I wrapped my arms around my body, gripping my elbows as if I was trying to keep myself from falling apart. I bent my head so Paul couldn't see my watery eyes and flushed cheeks. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see he had gone just as red as I had. Maybe more so.

The other lads came rushing, startled by the commotion; John leading and George trailing in the rear. John looked genuinely shaken up, but George seemed surprisingly calm, even a bit melancholy. Maybe he had heard what I'd said. If that was the case, he was in just as sticky a situation as I was.

"For God's sake, what's going on in here?" John cried, looking more at Paul than at me. "Are you two having another ding dong row?"

"No, John, we're not," Paul replied in an icy voice. "It's nothing, really. Isn't it, Michael?"

"No, nothing at all," I mumbled, wiping my nose on my already grubby sleeve. I began wondering if Paul was lying to protect me, or whether he was just planning on stirring up more trouble. He glanced at me and smiled, all of his pearly white teeth showing. It made me shudder.

"Micheal and I were just chatting about things," Paul said airily. 

"Chatting about things?" John repeated. There was a question in his voice. "What kind of things?"

"Y'know, music, movies, the fact that Micheal's been lying to us for months, that sort of thing."

I had expected Paul to rat on me, but I didn't think he'd do it like that.

As soon as the words left his lips, everyone turned to stare at me. They looked so amazed that I almost burst out laughing at their silly faces. Almost. I don't think I could have managed a tiny chuckle even if I'd wanted to. There was a terrible feeling of guilt swirling around inside my stomach. I desperately wanted to say something to get the feeling to leave, but I couldn't think of anything appropriate to say.

I gingerly felt my face. My cheeks were burning with embarrassment, but I was determined not to let anyone know it. I stared straight ahead, tears in my eyes, wanting to die.

"Have you been lying to us, Michael?" John asked.

I didn't reply. 

"What haven't you been telling us?" John persisted.

"He just told me that he is, in fact, not a he at all!" Paul cried gleefully. "Michael has been telling us all a bunch of porky pies about who he really is! Or should I say who she really is!"

"She?!" John, Pete and Stu all said the dreaded word at the same time. I flinched violently.

"Yes, yes!" said Paul, getting more and more worked up. "He just told me that he lost his innocence to George several weeks ago, and I asked if that was because he was queer. Turns out it's not and Michael Edwards is actually a girl! He's a woman!"

"Oh, shut up, Paul," John snapped. "You've obviously been on the sauce."

"No, I'm not!" Paul said indignantly. "Why would you think that?!"

"You're acting like a total nutter, spouting all kinds of rubbish about Michael being a girl." John began laughing at the ridiculousness of Paul's claims. "That's just plain silly. If Mike really was a girl, I'm sure we would have realized by now."