Diary of a Moody Black Teenager

CPA Hell

Chandler Park Academy was like the fifth school I had been to. I was getting tired of jumping from place to place and having to get comfortable with new people. At that time, there was only two buildings to the district. The elementary building was Kindergarten-7th grade and the middle school building was 8th grade-12th grade. Later on they added a third building for the high schoolers, 9th grade-12th and made the middle school building 6th grade-8th grade.

When I first started there, I saw this girl that I was friends with at Dorothy Fisher. Her name was Tina Rose and she was like the only friend I really had at the old school and I was so sad when she left. When I saw her, she recognized me and we hugged and she introduced me to some people she was friends with. Brittany and Kamari. At first, Brittany and I were fine. I don't know what happened. Tina and I had this thing where we would look at each other and just be like, "shut up". So naturally I wanted to see if she would remember. This is sixth grade by the way. Well, apparently she didn't. And her little friends jumped to defense mode and I didn't understand why. Now let's take note. Back and then, I wasn't as strong and bold as I am now. I was weak. I didn't know how to stand up for myself and I was also scared to because I wanted people to like me so badly. So while they were yelling at me and threatening me, I just sat there and took it. Like a bitch. It got so bad that I would go home every day and cry. They made fun of my hair. It used to be really long but it fell out so it was just above my ears. They made fun of my teeth. I still hate my teeth even now. They made fun of my clothes because my pants weren't fitted. They just made everyday hell for me. I remember one day in choir, Brittany kept throwing crayons at me. I was trying so hard not to cry. I really didn't have any friends. And then this boy I liked named Dasan, he actually goes to my school now, he was fairly nice to me. But only because he got paid to be. Another boy I liked named Romelo made a bet with this girl that if he asked me to be his girlfriend I would say no. So when he lost, he had to he my boyfriend for 24 hours. I didn't even know about the bet. I was so hurt. But later on in life, he tried to talk to me. Boy bye.

Towards the end of the year I had a friend named Dejanea (day-juh-nay). We were pretty close, too. We were leaving school one day and this cute dark skinned boy named Juwann walked past us. He smiled at me and we stopped to talk to him. And from that day we got closer and closer. But he was in 7th grade so the next year we were both at the old middle school. That's when we officially got together. And we were together for about three months. Things were fairly well. I really liked him though. But I kept hearing about this girl that he was supposedly messing around with so we eventually broke up. The older and prettier I got, the more he kept trying to come back. And then in 9th grade he got with my friend and I was pissed. But we moved past that.

7th grade wasn't too bad. People were finally leaving me alone and my hair had almost gotten back to it's normal length. I was still kinda ugly though. Lmfao. But I was fine with that as long as people weren't bothering me anymore. A couple months passed and I had my first bite of drama for the year. I was turning into the person I am NOW: mean, rude, obnoxious, blunt and violent. So that caused a problem with this girl who said I had giant boobs. So what did I do you ask? Oh I just told everybody that she was gay. Nothing too bad right? Well technically I only told one person and that person told other people and it got around the whole school. I never meant for it to blow up the way it did. But once it did, it was too late. Then the girl wanted to fight me. At that point I wasn't scared of anybody anymore but I didn't want to fight her because I had already been suspended a couple times. But she kept pushing it. Then it slowly died down. Good. But then somebody asks about what happened and all the drama started right back up. So now were basically arguing every single day in every single class. I was low key enjoying it because people were starting to talk to me. Anyway. I almost got suspended for calling her a faggot and threatening her and then she got into a fight with this girl Jaylah and that was the end of that. Let's just skip past 8th grade.

High school was so different. I met my first love, Justin, in 9th grade. He was a junior. Everything was weird at first because we definitely liked each other a lot, but he still wanted to hoe around. So for a while we stopped talking. The day we got out for winter break was also his birthday, December 20th. That was the day we started talking again. We talked every single for the entire three week break. And then when we came back to school on January 18th, we became official. That was our date and I still remember it. 1.18.13. Anyway. With me being a freshman, people always made negative comments about us saying that he only wanted me for sex. I wasn't even a virgin then. But to be so honest, he never pressured me about sex. I mean I knew he definitely wanted it because I mean, I'm a fine little thang but he never made me feel like it was a necessity. That's what made me love him so much. He was respectful and I've never had anybody adore me the way he did.

So by this time we had been together about a month. We had the same lunch hour so most days I would sit with him and he would wrap his arm around my lower back and we would hold hands under the table because CPA had rules against PDA.

Up until this time we had never kissed because I was scared to. And our lunch hours had gotten switched so after I got out of lunch, he would meet me at my locker everyday and he would walk me to my class and then go to lunch. And this boy had me late to class every single freaking day because he wanted to play tag in the gym. Irritating. So this particular day, Jaylah walked with us and me and him hugged and he kissed my cheek and he was about to leave for lunch. Jaylah turns around and says, "no give her a real kiss." And I kept backing away because I was scared but he grabbed me and wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me hard as hell and I was soooooooooooo happy. I had the biggest smile for the rest of that day. Omg. We had so many good memories, too many to name.

A year passed. It was exactly three days before our first anniversary. So far, I had gotten out of school, got my phone taken, started 10th grade and switched to L'Anse Creuse. And that was extremely sad for me because I had to leave my best friend, Venet', and my boyfriend behind. But Justin didn't want us to break up so we tried the long distance thing. Clearly that was a mistake. Three days before our anniversary, I found out that he was cheating. I had never cried so much before. I loved him so much. He was my everything. And I would have taken him back if he had just been honest about everything but he wasn't. So I left him in the past. Unfortunately, I couldn't take back the fact that we had sex.

And that was my first major heartbreak.