Laurel Faith

Bullying

February 5, 2016

Bullying

"Bullying. One of the worst things in the world. Making fun of someone until they're crying. Beating up someone until they can't walk anymore. Calling someone names until they actually start to believe it. And why? Because they're 'different'. Go away with your 'different'. Everyone is different. Everyone is unique. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Some on the inside. Some on the outside. Someone may not be the prettiest one you've ever seen. But if you're bullying them because of their looks. Then you're the ugly one. There's no such a thing like bullying. Bullying someone so bad that suicide is the only thing they see. Beating up someone so bad that they hope they die of their injuries. Every 40 seconds, someone dies on this earth to suicide. A lot of them because of bullying. Almost everyone on this earth knows someone who committed suicide or tried to. And that has to change. I know I can't change anything. But bullies can. So think twice before you start to make fun of someone. How would it be to be in their shoes? Awful. So be nice, to everyone, because you don't know where they're going through."

I have to admit, this is a little harder to write about for me, because it is something really personal for me. The reason that this is hard for is because I have been bullied. I've been bullied for about 5 years.. Two different schools. Middle school three years and high school two years. Luckily it didn't get physical with me, just verbal.

It has made me insecure, but I'm the kind of person who can block out any sound around them. And I feel like I'm lucky I can do that. I think that if I couldn't have done that I would be totally broken, but I guess it has also made me stronger. I've learned to stand up for myself.

If someone says something about me, mostly behind my back, I'm always thinking.. Just say it to my face. I know I can handle it and if there is something that I hate more than anything is people who talk about someone behind their back. Last year it happened to me a lot, like when I was literally sitting next to them. Like, how dumb can you be?

Five years ago, the bullying was the worst. I had a really hard time at home and at school that year and there was this guy in my class who called me all those names. And one day, when he was sitting behind me and he kept poking me in my back and saying stuff, I just flipped. I screamed at him to stop, stood up and just pushed his table against him. (When I'm angry, I don't know my own strength). But I guess I'm happy that I flipped because after that happened it was over... The whole class just got a little frightened by my outburst because everyone saw it happening. Even the teacher saw and heard it, but he didn't even say anything.

I have never told my parents that this happened.. I don't know why, but I think that I thought at that time that they'd get mad at me for flipping out at school like that.

I think I changed a little, of course you change over the years, but I didn't only change because I got older but I've become stronger and I know exactly who my true friends are and I am very happy with them being my friends.

I guess I've got a big mouth sometimes, even to teachers, but that's just because I don't want it to happen again. Even though I doubt that it will happen again.

During freshmen year in high school I also got bullied, as I said. But there was this one time that he (it was a guy and also a girl) kept calling me names and saying stuff that wasn't / isn't true and I broke down. During lunch break I literally broke down and just started crying. My friend took me to my mentor and explained what happened. She called his parents and the day after during her class we had to talk to her and to each other, and again I broke down. I could not stop crying and I walked out. It all was too much at that time.

But when I think back to that year, I'm like why was I so intimidated by him? Maybe because he was the popular kid? But I was like double his height. I could easily tower over him and teach him a lesson but I guess I got so scared that he would send his friends after me. Which obviously didn't happen.

I had kept it a secret for a while and when I eventually told my parents and sister, my sister became kind of protective of me. She went to the same school as me and had this really big group of friends who were all even taller than me and there were a lot of big guys in that group and she started looking out for me. Only thinking of my sister and her friends having my back made me calm down.

I think a lot of people don't see me as a victim to bullying but I am more insecure than I look. Not with the way I look, because I don't give a fuck what people think of my clothes and stuff. It's more with the way I act. So I have these walls build up, pretty high and I don't really talk to anyone. There really is only one person I talk to and she is my best friend, but she doesn't even know everything. She doesn't even know this blog exists but I there are some things that nobody has to know. My parents don't really know a lot about me and I know they want me to talk to them but I can't. I'm always scared I get judged..

I guess you could say I've gotten over the bullying pretty good. Sometimes I still have those moments where I think about it and just feel really down. But I forgive them... The people who have bullied me. I can forgive them but I can never forget it.

They probably won't even remember it, but I remember every fucking detail about it and sometimes it haunts me and I hate it. But because of that happening and a lot of other things I am the person I am today.

It has made me insecure but it has also made me stronger and I know I can handle more than I think I can handle.

If you are being bullied, please tell somebody because if you bottle it up there is a chance it'll go the wrong way. We can't let that happen. You are worth everything, you are so worth it. Don't let them bring you down, you are good and perfect the way you are. Just be yourself because that is what makes you special and unique. There is only one you in this world so be the best you, you can be.

"Be you. The world will adjust." 

xx Laurel Faith