Why I Can't Rule The World

No. 17

"And love will hold us together/
Make us a shelter to weather the storm/
And I'll be my brother's keeper/
So the whole world will know that we're not alone"
--Matt Maher;
"Hold Us Together"

<<<<<<<<<<

    That night the ride home was full of complete silence between Pearl and I.

    Not that I minded, there was a lot for me to think about. So many emotions were welled up inside me, just fighting to get out. All that surfaced was my speechlessness. I couldn't believe that -- no, I could believe it -- God died for me. Just out of love, He died for me and rose again. And He wants me that badly. I wanted to live it out with my whole being, but something was holding me back.

    When we arrived home, I remembered the reason why. My father.

    I could hear his raised voice even outside of the house when I paused at the door. I faced Pearl who was tense and looking to me for guidance. Swallowing, I put my hand on the doorknob, about to turn it, when Pearl grabbed my wrist back.

    "What?" I asked her quietly.

    "I don't want to go in there," she whispered. "I'm sick of living like this. I'm sick of hearing them fight. Can't we just go back to the Olsons?"

    I smiled tightly. Everything in me wanted to agree with her and turn back, but I knew that wasn't an option. Like it or not, this was our house and our flesh and blood. For a moment, I even considered it. Then I pulled my sister into a hug and she wrapped her arms around me tightly.

    "It's going to be okay," I said when I felt her shoulders shaking. I hesitated before adding, "God is with us."

    She pulled back and wiped her eyes quickly.

    "Let's just get this over with," she mumbled.

    I nodded and opened the door. The two of us stepped in together to find my parents yelling in the living room together. We didn't dare look there, though. I just heard their screams, grabbed my sisters hand, and pulled her upstairs. There was no escaping the yells that shook us both up, but at least I felt a little safer in my room.

    "Go do your schoolwork or something. I'll see you in the morning," I told her, noticing Asher's door was shut.

    She hugged me one last time before obeying, closing the door softly behind her. I let out a deep breath as I ran a hand through my hair. A part of me wanted to know what they were fighting about, but I really didn't. It wasn't my fight and I wanted to keep it that way.

    I opened Asher's door to find him curled up in Grandma's lap. She smiled at me and got up, putting Asher down as he buried himself in his blankets. She shut the door and smiled wearily.

    "You made it home, dear," she whispered, sounding relieved.

    "Yeah... Uh, how long have they been..." I let my voice trail off. There was no need to finish the sentence.

    "Hours," she answered, sounding deeply worried. "Asher won't stop crying."

    "Should I do something to try and make them stop?" I asked.

    "No, no. Not now. Just do your best to do any homework. Have you eaten dinner?" she asked, rubbing my shoulder.

    "I'll be fine," I assured her.

    "Okay. Comfort your brother okay? He's scared. And could you pray for me?" she requested softly.

    I nodded, trying to smile. She gave me a brief hug, patting me on the back.