Why I Can't Rule The World

No. 22

"How lucky am I
to have something
that makes saying
goodbye
so hard."
-- Winnie the Pooh

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[] December []

    No one warns you about the world when you first come into it.

    That there will be regrets and tears and fears that consume your every bone. No one sits you down and straight up tells you that there will be some things that just kill you inside.

    Not only is there that perspective, but no one bothers to exclaim to you the joy there is in living. How one person can change your life forever, their presence always with you. That no matter what, God gives us a blessing to be grateful for.

    I wasn't told that leaving would be so heartbreaking.

    During the moment that I was leaving, I couldn't believe it was happening. We had sold our house pretty fast, so we had to move pretty fast. Grandma was coming with us, since both of my parents would be working. The chaos around my house felt like something good for once. Even if none of us want to go, it's unspoken that we have to.

    The weeks after I returned home, my father and I slowly but surely built our relationship's foundation. He let me talk to him about why I believed and wasn't so harsh toward me. Whenever I told Alivia about our conversations that felt normal, she'd grin and her eyes would light up.

    "God answers prayers, Fletcher," she'd say, linking her arm through mine. "Never forget that."

    I, of course, told her I was leaving. The news devastated her and her family alike -- all of us had grown fond of each other. When I told my family about Alivia being my girlfriend, they wanted to see her more. So for the three weeks I still had to be with her, we were at my house as much as her's.

    My parents fell in awe of her, how gentle and accepting she was. Pearl treated Alivia as the older sister she never had. It was great to watch them become such good friends.

    Sawyer and I studied as much as we could. On the night before I was moving, it seemed to hit us all for the first time. I was actually going, probably not to see them often, if at all.

    "Now what am I going to do, pick up another person off the side of the highway?" he joked after we finished studying one day.

    I laughed, my heart a little heavy. I would miss him.

    "I suppose so," I answered. After a moment of silence, a thought popped into my mind. "What about Ace?"

    "Ace?" he repeated, sounding confused. "What about him?"

    "He seems to be needing some encouragement. You know, in faith and stuff," I elaborated, shrugging.

    "Huh, never thought about it. But I guess so," he said.

    Ace and I never became best buddies. For some reason, I felt bad about leaving him behind. But with Sawyer looking out for him, I saw it as taken care of.

    I said goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Olson, hoping to come and visit with them as much as I could. Alivia and Sawyer were going to see me leave, wave goodbye one last time.

    All that flashed before my eyes as I stood in front of my car, preparing to drive off into the sunset with Pearl in the passenger seat. Alivia and Sawyer were both walking over from Mom and Dad's car, making sure to say goodbye to them.

    As soon as I laid eyes on Alivia, it occurred to me we wouldn't be the same after I moved. We agreed to be committed to trying a long distance relationship, and I was confident we could do it. But I had grown to be fascinated by her more and more, there was no denying that.