Eat, Pray, Parkour

Chapter 7: Lucky Charms and Cigarettes

"I'm telling you, it was Alec Baldwin that was in 30 Rock," Shauna says as she compares the price on two different brands of the same kind of cereal.

"I wasn't arguing. I'm just saying he didn't play as Liz Lemon's love interest," I say pushing our grocery cart behind her.

"Then what was he?"

"Her boss," I say, grabbing a jar of peanutbutter as I pass it.

"Really?" she turns and quick stops the shopping cart, "You know what we need?"

"What?" I ask skeptically. When Shauna gets an idea about something she wants it's never really good and she never stops until she gets it.

"I need cigarettes," her eyes sparkle malevolently.

"You don't smoke," I say moving the cart around her.

"But I want to!" she whines following me through the Walmart aisles, "Just think I'll look so cool!"

"I said no, Shauna," I pull a gallon of milk from the back of the shelf.

"Why not!?"

Gods, Shauna sounds like a friggin child when she gets like this. "Because your husband would kill me! Not to mention he'd probably kick me out."

"You're not gonna get in trouble or get kicked out, Cat."

I'm picking out my favorite flavors of yogurt and ignoring Shauna's insistent begging so she comes up behind me and wraps her arms around my waist, burying her face in my neck. She snuffles in my ear tickling me and I cringe and giggle. When I can't take it anymore I turn and pick her up and drop her into the cart along with our groceries.

Pushing the cart towards the snack aisle I tell her, "You're not going to talk me into getting you cigarettes. I'm not getting in trouble just so you can experiment for a week."

Shauna crosses her arms and pouts. It's actually really cute but she's too old to do this. And she's too naive to realise that her actions affect other people.

She continues to pout as I stroll down aisle after aisle, checking things off our shopping list and dropping the items around Shauna in the cart.

"What if I make it worth your while?" she asks, biting her lower lip.

I stop in the middle of the aisle and stare down at her. She's leaning forward and I can see down her shirt while she touches her elbows together to press her breasts together.

"Shauna," her tan face blanches at my tone, "do I look like a fucking drug dealer to you?" It's the first time I've really cursed at her and she looks a little scared. "There's nothing you can do to 'make it worth my while'. You're like a sister to me. Like a little sister. I'm not about to do anything that could be hazardous to your health. Now stop pretending to be a whore and act your age."

She looks like she's about to cry. I didn't mean for it to come out scary or mean. I just want her to know that I care.

"You're so mean." Her lip quivers and I feel awful.

"No, Shauna," I say taking her hand, "I love you. I don't want you doing anything that could hurt you. And cigarettes will take 10 years of your life."

"Ok," she looks down at her lap and I lean over the cart to kiss the top of her head. She looks up at me and gives me a little smile.

I know she still thinks what I said was mean but I can't help but try to think of a way to give her what she wants without giving her a nasty habit. And I keep thinking as I push the cart around the store getting our groceries.

The solution comes when we're checking out.

"Keep unloading the cart, I'll be right back," I tell her and then head to the customer service desk.

After the attendent tells me about the clothing sale going on next week I ask if the store carries herbal cigarettes or nicotine free cigarettes. She says they carry both and shows me boxes of different flavors after checking my ID. I buy a pack of black cherry herbal cigarettes knowing that Shauna likes black cherry ice cream, tea, smoothies, yogurt and gods know what else. I thank the lady behind the counter for her help and after she thanks me for my business I go back to the register where Shauna is loading our groceries back in the cart. I pay the cashier and we head to the car.

"I found something you might like," I tell her while we're packing groceries into the back of her car.

"What's that?" she asks solemnly.

"Something for both of us to try," I hand her the pack before closing the back door and pushing the cart into its parking lot coral.

When I get into the driver's seat she's still reading the box.

"I can't find the directions," she says.

I burst out laughing and she looks at me like I've gone insane. I take the cigarettes from her and tap the top of the pack against my palm to pack them before peeling back the plastic wrap and pulling out two black cherry cigarettes. Handing one to her I show her the filter and tell her to hold it between her lips but not to get it wet and then find a lighter in my bag. I hold the flame to the end of her cigarette and tell her to suck on it slowly. It lights and I light mine taking a slow drag. She watches me and copies how I smoke.

"These aren't half bad," I say, turning the car on and rolling the windows down while Shauna coughs a bit.

"They taste good but I think I did it wrong 'cuz my chest hurts," she coughs some more and I giggle at her as we pull out of the parking lot and head home.

"Take it slow and don't breathe too deeply," I say, taking another sweet drag from my cigarette as I get the car onto the highway in the direction of home.

By the time we get home Shauna's smoked three herbal cigarettes and has gotten the hang of it. But as we start to unload the car I wonder if I've made a mistake.

My fears are confirmed when I hear Shauna boasting to Rodrigo about how she's a smoker now and I hear his angry roar.

I rush inside and throw the groceries aside to stand between them.

Rodrigo would never hurt Shauna but I know he has an incredible temper.

"Rod, big brother," I say calmly, "They're just herbal cigarettes." I show him the pack quickly.

He looks at it carefully for a moment before I see him calm some.

"That's actually pretty smart, Cat," he says, he pulls a cigarette out and sniffs it before popping it back into the pack. "But I don't see why she needs them."

"She doesn't," I say quickly, "She wanted to try smoking so I had to compromise, see?"

He nods before kissing Shauna's forehead and going to his room.

Once he's gone Shauna and I look at each other and laugh, relieved, before putting away the groceries.