double reflection (#Wattys2016)

them

A thrumming sound woke me up, and I sat up panting wildly. I looked around, feeling my hair wet with perspiration.

"Oh, thank god," a male voice said, to the left of me, "You scared the hell outta me, Marie."

I glanced to my left, seeing Lucian Grey. The ex- gang member. And all those secrets cam pouring back like I never fainted from them.

"Who the hell are you?" I whispered, scooting farther away from him. I was timbering on the edge of the bed. Lucian's eyes flashed an unreadable emotion before he cracked a sad smile, "Your boyfriend."

I began to wildly shake my head, "No, no you are most definitely not. You lied to me for months, did you even think about what I would think? What'd I find out?" 

Lucian's eyes flittered with regret, and he dropped his head, "At first, no. I treated you like a assignment. I was build from iron, and created to withstand steel. My facade was a bit revolting to me, but I had to keep you safe. That was my main assigment."

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, "Did you ever even care?"

Lucian reached for me, and I did not relent. I flew to the floor as he came to touch the edge of the bed. "Don't touch me," my voice broke.

Lucian's eyes captured the sadness, that I didn't want to believe. "At first, no. But when I got to know you, the fun, sassy side of you. I did. And my assignment became what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Marie, you might not believe me. Hell, I wouldn't either. But I do care for you, so much. You have no idea."

My eyes spilled some reluctant tears, I forced back the rising tension in my thoart. "I want to believe you, I do. But I can't."

"And your mom?" He questioned.

I shook my head, "I suspected, it wasn't such the biggest surprise. She fell in love with a fighter, what do you expect from the fighter's wife?"

He nodded his head, shamefully. "That doesn't mean I stop protecting you."

I shook my head, "No, I don't think so. But only as my protector, nothing else." My heart refused to do it's job, and began to thump wildly against my chest. It wanted me to stop.

"From now, I think you should refer to me as your assignment. Wouldn't want you to get distracted, and possibly damage the misssion, would we?" I try to say indifferently, but it came out harsh anyways.

Lucian's eyes went from broken to hard in a matter of seconds. "If that is what you want?" The boy I knew Lucian as, was no longer. Here is now a solider in his place. A gun that replaced his boyish laughter. A blank face to cover all his emotions. 

I hesistated, and I shook my head slowly. My heart thumped loudly. "I do."

His stance straightened as he got up from the bed, and he nodded stoicily. "We should conference with your mother to see what our next move is." I nodded, as I quickly made my tears vanish. I blinked hard, once, twice.

"Lets go," I say, barely audible.

We left the room, less than friends, even acquaintencies. He was my protector, and I was his burden. That was our new relationship, one that I hoped would not work out. I glanced at the corner of my eye, despite what I said. My entire being revolted against me, and my stomach was in permanent knots. I didn't mean a dam word I said.

And you are out there wondering how I can be stupid to do that?

I did it to protect myself. A selfish and insecure excuse. I knew Lucian was different from the straight begining, and I showed him sides that I wouldn't normally show. He knew my story, he knew why I was here. And yet to think he was an ex- gang member brought me to unwanted memories that I wished to decay away.