letters to camila // s.m ✓

1

Hunter was my best friend.

That made telling Camila, his girlfriend of three years, what he was actually doing on Monday and Tuesday nights a hell of a lot harder.

My job was to make sure she was always busy on those days. There isn't a whole lot to do in Bozeman, Montana, but I managed. It didn't feel good hiding the mother of all secrets from this innocent girl with big brown eyes, but what did feel good was getting to see her face at least twice a week with no exceptions. I had it all planned out.

Mondays alternated between studying and going bowling. We would meet up at her place - so that she would have no chance of driving by Hunter's house - and then I would drive from there.

Tuesdays were hiking days. We would drive to random hiking trails in Bozeman and just get lost in the woods. They were by far my favorite days. Camila always looked adorable in her hiking boots.

The worst thing was being deeply in love with her, and only having my feelings grow every time I saw her.

But it was almost never just us. It was normal for Camila to invite her friend Lauren on Tuesdays, and Seth would never miss bowling. It was just us three for that first year Hunter was not there, and honestly, it was the best year of my life.

But all things end, even if you didn't realize anything started yet.

•••

"This is the hardest thing I've ever had to say.. ever," I say, and I sit down next to her on the rock.

"Shawn. Do you have a crush on me?" She says as she laughs. I try and laugh too, but it kind of hurts.

"No, no..." I laugh back. Maybe this isn't the right time. She's so happy... I shouldn't ruin it, but I'm sick of all of us telling her lies. Of me telling her lies. "Listen, Camila..."

The smile fades off her face.

"Ever since last summer we've been doing this, right?"

"Yeah?"

"It's because...ever since last summer, Hunter..."

"God, Shawn. Just spit it out."

"He's cheating. On you. Hunter's cheating on you and has been for a long time and I can't lie to you anymore," the words pour out of my mouth in a flow of anger, and sadness, and a mix of so many emotions that they make my face feel like it is about to explode.

She just sits there for a moment, waiting for me to say something like,"April fools!", even though it's the middle of June, and she knows I would never lie to her. Well, before now.

"Why?" she says calmly.

"I don't know, maybe he's just-"

"Not Hunter, Shawn. You. Why would you do this to me? I thought we trusted each other," she says, putting her head in her hands. I don't know what to say.

"Please forgive him," I say, but I don't mean Hunter. I really mean me.

"So all this time... you've all just been covering for him while he goes and hooks up?" Her voice is wobbly.

It's the worst feeling in the world when you realize the person you care about most can't even look at you.

"Camila, it's not like that..."

"No, I know it is - don't try to lie to me again."

"We never wanted this to happen. We didn't know it would go on for this long-"

"Well guess what? It did happen, and what do you expect?"

"I don't know, Camila, but if you would just try and understand-"

"Can you go," she practically yells at me, and tears start coming from her eyes. I turn around and walk back down the trail where Seth and Lauren are waiting in silence.

"Well that's over," Seth sighs, and we walk further down the trail to the parking lot. We walk to Mila's car and sit down on the pavement. All we can do now is wait.

•••

My eyes slowly open and the daylight has disappeared. Seth and Lauren are wiped out in the backseat of Camila's car. We must have fallen asleep after waiting hours for Camila to come back down the trail. It doesn't look like she ever did.

We didn't want to leave her there. We were her only friends and we thought she would forgive us.

I check my phone. It's 2:47 a.m. and I have no missed calls from Camila - just one from her dad.

Where did she go?

I run up the trail using my phone for light and trace my way back to the rock where I last saw her.

She's not there.

I feel my heart rate going up as I frantically search through the trees for her.

Nowhere.

I run back down and wake up Seth and Lauren.

"Guys. It's really late, and I can't find Camila. She never came back."

"W-What?" Seth says, half asleep. They get up quickly and we all get out of the car.

"I checked the rock. I checked the entire trail. She isn't here," I say as Seth turns around, sweat dripping down the sides of his face.

"She probably just walked home. Let's just check her house," Lauren says and Seth grabs her arm as she tries to walk away.

"No - we can't. Her dad could answer the door, and what would we say to him? We lost your daughter? You know how he his and you know Mila doesn't want to leave Bozeman. We'd never see her again."

"He's right. We need to check every other possible place she could be."

"But it's past our curfew, Shawn," Lauren says, putting her hand on her hip.

"That hasn't stopped us before."

We agree, and then we're off.

•••

It's almost four in the morning now. We've checked the school, Lauren's house, the pet shop where she works, even Hunter's house - who still doesn't know she knows - and no luck. I'm really worried.

We decide the situation has gotten serious enough to the point where we must go to her house. We pull up to the curb quickly and jog to her doorway. Seth rings the doorbell repeatedly and Lauren slaps his hand away. Through the window, I can see her mother sitting in the living room.

Her dad opens the door with a blank face.

"Hello...is Camila here?" Lauren says.

"It's 4 a.m.," he says, looking over at Ms. Cabello.

"Please. We don't know where she went."

"Look, we've already called the police. This is all being handled."

"What's being handled?" I yell, pushing Seth out of the way.

"Excuse me, young man, get off my property. Let the authorities deal with this," he says, pushing us out of the doorway and slamming the door in our faces.

"What are we going to do?" Lauren says, pacing back and forth on the sidewalk.

"He said they called the police," Seth says and tries to comfort her, but she pulls back.

"What if we never find her?" She says, and neither of us know what to say, because the thought hasn't crossed our minds. Camila has always been there since she moved to Bozeman with her family almost six years ago. She's always been such a mystery - you never know what she's thinking. Every day with her feels like the first day of really living my life. I never could have guessed that one night, she'd just be gone. You think you know a person.

"We're going to find her. It's going to be fine," Seth says as he walks away from the Cabello house. The words come out of his mouth, but no one believes him.

Then the cops show up.