Falling Into Words

Date Of Death

I had noticed it weeks ago; beginning with those odd glances, not wanting to make eye contact, those looks of pity which I had given myself from time to time. At first I refused to believe it, thinking perhaps in this crowded city that the looks were for someone else, anyone else, nearby. Now I cannot deny. Even those in my family, who normally are quite indifferent to my existence, seem to be going out of their way to upset me. It seems so unfair; I am yet young, so much potential, if only I had the time. At least I wouldn't be leaving by any children, or a lover to live on without me.
No one speaks of it, of the exact day. I don't know how much time I have left; it could be months, weeks, perhaps even days. I went through many emotions, denial, anger, fright, and finally acceptance. Now I am going through what little I have gained. I write letters to those dearest to me, explaining which items are to become theirs. I make my arrangements, the man nods with the knowledge that all others know but me. He is quiet, matter of fact, but his eyes are kind, a reassuring hand helps me through the session.
We all come to this point, some sooner than others. Never would I have thought I would be one of those whose lives were to be but a spark. There were so many things I had wanted to accomplish, so much I never got to experience. I refuse to be one of those who gives it all up, the ones who wallow in pity or cower in fear as that time draws to a close. I will continue my work, continue working towards my goals, and accomplish all that is possible for me before that day comes. I just hope that whatever happens, however my life is to be ended, that there is no pain.
Every night I close my eyes wondering, will this be the last? Every morning that I awake I am thankful, thankful for every moment I have left. As I go about my day I see the glances, more pity in those adverted eyes, uncomfortable looks. I face it all with a smile, perhaps I can brighten someone's day with a little kindness. The looks make it harder, my smile falters some, but I am determined to see this through, to live life though I know it is drawing to a close.
Again I close my eyes at the end of another day; again my eyes open in the morning. I go through my morning routine, I feel no dread of this day, other than the uncomfortable looks I know I will receive today, and with each I shall return with the brightest smile I can give. I take my morning walk, on my way to the shelter I work for. A sound draws my attention, a quick sharp pain. I feel my knees hit the soft sand beneath me, though I don't recall kneeling. My eyes close, the sand is warm beneath my body; my breath leaves slowly, my heart stops.