Speak Now

It's Only Acting

I was slowly but surely learning my lines. Some of the costumes were coming in, and they started looking great.

We had moved on to a bit of staging with scripts in hand, getting a feel for how the characters would move on film. The props were sub-par until the real ones were built, so we had to mime and pretend things a lot. Sometimes Dave would stop us and give us a little direction like,

"There's a table there," or, "pretend that the wall is the tower."

We didn't have to wear our costumes yet, but we were getting fitted for them and trying out the ones in the wrong sizes to see how they looked.

I took Alex up on his offer of a ride, and he agreed to pick me up from my place and take me to the set. I was sitting on the steps outside for 10 minutes so I wouldn't keep him waiting, and I was marking up my notes to pass the time.

Not too long after, a car pulled up and I could see Alex inside. I scrambled off the porch and walked to the car in time to see Keanu climbing into the back seat. I took shotgun once he was settled.

"Morning, guys," I said with a smile.

"Hey Katie,"

"Good morning," they answered.

I tried to fix my hair a little bit in the visor mirror, since the wind was insane this morning.

"Almost lost my script in the wind today," I began. They laughed. "Thanks for the ride."

"No problem," Alex said sincerely. "You're right on the way." He pulled out onto the street and took off.

"How are your lines coming?" Keanu asked, peeking forward with his head on my shoulder.

"Not bad. Still working on them. How are yours?"

Keanu shrugged, "Getting there... yeah...," I looked at him and smiled, and returned it, his eyes crinkling a little.

***

Alex pulled into the set lot and signed us all in. We were the first ones there, for once.

"Woah guys, we're early!" Alex pointed out. "Imagine what Dave'll say.

Instead of working lines like we usually did, Alex found a radio and turned it on and we listened to Bon Jovi.

I'd surpassed comfortable with these guys, so I danced like no one was watching. I had no clue how to dance, and it was apparent. It was mostly clapping and stepping to the beat, but Keanu took my hands and spun me around a few times.

Dave walked in when Alex and I were attempting a poor excuse for a tango, and it took him a minute to stop laughing.

Keanu heard his laughter and turned down the radio.

"At least I know my leads are getting along," Dave grinned.

***

Slowly but surely, the cast showed up and we began to stage. Today we were running all of the second "act," on script.

This was going to be the first time We were doing the kiss scene in rehearsal. Not that I wasn't prepared and also excited to be able to do it, but I was quite nervous to have to kiss Alex. First kisses were weird enough without it being scripted and watched by 20+ people.

Dave spoke to us about it beforehand.

"Now, I just wanted to make sure the two of you were comfortable with kissing each other today," he said calmly.

Alex and I didn't really look at each other, but kinda nodded.

"Yeah," Alex finally broke the silence. "It's only acting."

This is my character kissing his character. You can do this.

Dave set the scene for us. Our only rules for this particular scene was long and passionate, no tongue.

Unfortunately he said those rules in front of everyone and it took me a minute and a half to get my confidence back. I took a deep breath and faced Alex, putting on my game face.

"Action," Dave said.

I put my hand on Alex's chest, the other holding the script to the right page. He shut his eyes and turned away from me.

"Look, Elaine, I can't do this. Everyone who comes near me gets hurt. I disappoint people, that's what I do," he growled.

"If I cared about that, would I be standing here?" I shouted, looking down at the words on my script.

It's only acting. I fumbled around for my line and found it again.

"Would any of us be here if we thought you'd let us down?"

"Take a step toward him," Dave directed offhandedly.

I stepped up and grabbed his shoulder, making him face me.

"You should go," he instructed me.

"You should make me," I countered.

The directions on the script said to stare at him for a minute, and I did. When I looked up into his eyes, there was something brewing behind them. He was really good at acting. For a second, it really seemed like he was in love with me.

"Okay, lean for the kiss, back away from it, then fully commit," Dave called.

Suddenly, Alex was close. He looked at my lips and gently parted his own. He took a half step back, shaking his head, then looked at me again.

I forced myself to stare directly at him and ignore the rest of the cast. I am not me, and Alex is not Alex right now. We are Matthew and Elaine.

Script still in hand, he threw an arm around my back. I could hear the crinkling of paper and then felt him meet me halfway. I knew every eye was on us and I tried to block it all out.

Surprisingly enough, I was able to. Except I found that I didn't really have to act when it came to kissing him. I tilted my head to one side and continued the kiss, then when he pulled back, he seemed really pleased with himself.

I forgot that I had a line after I staggered away from him a little, forgetting that I all but made out with someone who was almost a stranger to me, forgetting that he was not himself, but a character instead.

For all intents and purposes, he was in to it. He was good at it. And I was really happy I would get to do that again in all the upcoming rehearsals and during all those takes and retakes of the movie...

It wasn't half as awkward as I expected, despite my split-second hesitation about leaning in.

If every scene went like this, I'd have no trouble with this film, at all, ever.

When the scene ended, though, that deep, profound look of love on his face dropped, the same way one takes off a mask and looks different, and he patted me on the back.

"Nice work, dude," he congratulated me with a smile, "You did well today. Very convincing."

I watched him walk away, an identity crisis brewing a little bit.

It's only acting. It didn't mean anything except he was doing it to get paid.