Speak Now

Why

The one line I chose to improvise, and I managed to royally screw it all up forever.

I called out "Alex" by mistake....

My face burned immediately and I started stammering and blushing. Faster than humanly possible, I buried my face in my hands.

I wanted to curl up under these prop blankets and hide until the entire cast and crew was gone. I wanted to erase myself from time so that no one could know who I was.

Alex gently touched my shoulder when he noticed that I was visibly upset.

"You okay?" He asked me under his breath.

I didn't look up at him. I couldn't manage to even peel my clammy hands away from my face. My throat clenched.

"Just... don't... I'm gonna leave,"

I threw the blankets off of myself, grabbed my robe, and ran, humiliated, from the room. I could hear Dave yelling to me, as well as Alex and Amy.

There was the equivalent to a rock in the center of my stomach, and I felt my entire body in flames. I ran to the makeup room, tears of embarrassment in my eyes.

I was generally emotional, no more than the regular Average Joe, but I couldn't help myself today of all days, when I was next to naked in front of a room of strangers, then yelled out my costar's name in a very personal way.

I think I deserved a good cry.

Unfortunately, there was a knock on my door and I heard Alex's voice.

"Katie? Why'd you leave?"

"Alex, please, please leave me alone for a while," I sniffed, swallowing a lump in my throat.

"Let me in, please, Katie," he persisted.

I never wanted him to look me in the face again.

"Don't cry," I heard him say quietly from the other side of the door. He must have heard me sniffing.

"Alex. Please. Just go. Go get Keanu or something," I pleaded, hugging my knees to my chest and pressing my back to the door to keep him out. "You know why I left."

"It's a mistake anyone could make," he stated, still against the door.

For the love of my sanity, if nothing else, just let me cry it out. Please.

I didn't respond to him, trying just to get the color out of my face. I didn't know where Amy hung up my clothes, so I pulled the robe tighter around me.

After ages of hearing shuffling outside the door, I opened it up and went straight to the corner so he couldn't look at me. He grabbed me by the shoulder and gently pulled me in for a hug.

"Don't feel bad. You were doing really well, especially for our first rehearsal," I felt his jaw moving on top of my head as he hugged me.

His arms felt really nice, but I tried to push out of them anyway. I didn't want to be touched, spoke to, or looked at for the rest of my life. He tightened, getting my head onto his chest again and refusing to budge.

"Can I tell you something? Okay, my first movie, I had a kiss scene with this girl. Like, a full make out. They told me to bite her on the lip, so you know what I did? I bit her on the lip. She started bleeding everywhere, and it was a disaster. I wanted to run away, but you know what I did? I got her an ice pack and we moved on. The movie turned out great."

He said this all while gently running his fingers through my hair to calm me down and keep me from running.

I wanted to bolt at any loss of pressure, but he kept me solidly against him. I didn't even care that he still didn't have his robe on. I could feel that his skin was warm and still damp from the scene. So was mine.

I looked up at him apologetically.

"It could've been a lot worse," he smiled down at me, "At least you gave me a confidence boost." He smirked and I hid my head again.

"It feel stupid," I grumbled, "That was too personal."

"Personal or not, it was realistic," he said bluntly, making me look up at him, "It was kinda hot, I'll be perfectly honest."

I couldn't take the intensity of his stare, and I looked directly at his jawline instead. I was trying not to focus on the fact that he still wasn't wearing anything, and had run from set almost naked to check up on me.

I thought about his last statement. It was embarrassing. I could only imagine that it must have taken a lot of courage to admit that to me.

For the umpteenth time, he made me look into his eyes, and this time, he shut them. Slowly, I found the air around us thinning and becoming more difficult to breathe in.

Next thing I knew, he was kissing me softly, his stong hands on my shoulders. It felt really good. Really, really good. For a second, it felt like I was okay again, and that I didn't have to be afraid for any reason.

It was over far too soon for my liking, when he quickly backed up away from me. I was just about to snake my hands around his waist when he had pulled back, leaving my arms to swing like a pendulum at my sides, thoughts jumbled and bouncing around in my head.

He had a small smile on his face. The kiss was comfort and nothing more, but somehow left me blushing harder than the intimate scene ever could have.

I leaned in again. His head tipped just perfectly and he kissed me back. His lips were soft like they always were. My robe fell partway open and I didn't stop to fix it.

He backed up a second time, and the look on his face was foreign to me. It wasn't love or admiration, not the simple friendship looks we always shared.

It was deeper than that, like he was boring into my thoughts with the easiest of glances, like he was seeing everything I thought about him, and that left me nervous.

Was I actually starting to like him in that way, or was I just doing my job? What was this look he was giving me, and why do I want to kiss him again because of it?

He pulled the robe back on my shoulder and put his arm around my back, resting his cheek on my hair. My arm instinctively went around his bare back the way I always did when someone held me.

We stayed there in silence for a minute before he spoke.

"I should put some clothes on,"

"It's kinda hot, I'll be perfectly honest," I teased him, tentatively putting a hand on his bare chest.

"Don't steal my line," he grinned and then pulled away, leaving a cold spot where his warm body heat had been, and he pulled on a spare robe from the closet.

"Don't tell Keanu what I did," I said pleadingly.

"No one ever has to know," he assured me kindly. "Not unless you ever wanna look back and laugh one day."

We smiled at each other.

"Thanks, Alex,"

He pulled me in for yet another comforting hug, and my cheeks never really seemed to cool down from it.