Hey so this took a while
and by that i mean like centuries
i love writing parodies, almost as much as people love writing the originals
so hopefully i won't have such a big gap between chapters
rollka :) xx
Deep down inside I knew I was not a morning person, or an outdoorsy person. But somehow Aelfbrick had made me both. I was outside at ten in the morning walking by the lake. To be honest I didn't even know this time of day existed at weekends.
We didn't talk. He was busy admiring the landscape while I was concentrating on not getting mud on my shoes and hoping Zombie-Pirate Chicken Nugget wouldn't jump out and attack my feet. He really had a thing for shoelaces, like a "grr I have to kill you" thing not an "OMG I LOVE SHOELACES!!!!" thing, or maybe it was a bit of both. You never knew with that cat, like his name, he was a bit weird. It was the kind of name someone would come up with whilst drunk, I suppose, but I assure you, I was completely sober when I named all of my cats. Cat naming is a serious business, ask T.S Elliot.
A few more minutes of silence passed and I aimed a sly kick at the bush in which both Zombie-Pirate Chicken Nugget and Benjamin Jerald Chunky Monkey Phish Food were hiding. The latter was named after my two favourite people and my two favourite flavours. The name was a bit of a mouthful so I used shorten it. Though I stopped using his first two initials some years later when I understood what BJ also stood for.
He stared at the lee shore far across at the other side of the lake, His eyes sparkled knowingly, like water reflecting the sun on its wind tossed ripples.
"Something's on your mind" he said finally. "Do you mind if I ask what it is?" The question was purely rhetorical. He didn't expect me to object. He had an air about him that was subtly persuasive but not manipulative, either I was just weak minded and naive or he genuinely cared about what was going on in my mixed up head.
"Hmmm I don't know how..." I started.
"You know exactly" he said smiling wryly. "You're wondering why I'm such a 'social retard' aren't you?"
"Errm well..." I began. He had basically got the jist of my thoughts. Some people were annoyingly good at that. Obviously I would have phrased it differently. A lot differently. Definitely excluding the word 'retard' because, to be perfectly honest and slipping into chav talk, he was' well buff' or as they say in Essex "proper reem" which in English, is the furthest thing from a retard, however, the people who use this kind of language usually are mentally challenged...
"It's just that you don't really seem to know about all sorts of everyday things and you don't act like, err, that normally..." I trailed off into a mumble. This was embarrassing. What if I managed to offend him like the last time I was confronted with that kind of question? Louise still hadn't forgiven me because of that. I had panicked and garbled something about her nose making her more streamlined. I had picked a great time to discuss the benefits of having a ginormous schnozzle.
He looked down at me and smiled mischievously as I reddened.
"I was only jesting, Miss Fluffkin. And you know full well that I am somewhat out of the ordinary." he said in a superior way that made me want to thump him, in a friendly way, of course. "You don't know me, and I don't know you. Let's talk. We can't stay complete strangers." He had dropped his annoying tone and I nodded in agreement I wanted to know the boy who had turned up on my doorstep less than twelve hours ago, but so far I knew less about him than he did about kitchen appliances.
"Ok so wh-" I began.
"Let's talk later" he said decisively, realizing he was about to be interrogated and resuming his lake staring like he'd never seen one before. "I think it's time to go swimming."
