Already Taken

Tell Me How You Really Feel

The next day I wake up, still confused about the events that took place the night before and for the first time since school started back I was not looking forward to seeing Ashley.

She'd left me, on my bed, wanting her—when she was the one who made the advance in the first place.

At school, I tried to avoid Ashley like the plague. I knew that when last period came around we'd eventually have to see each other but I was gonna be damn sure that last period was the only time I saw her.

I went through the day in zombie mode, not really paying attention to anything—zoned out. I didn't hear the conversation that Madison and Carmen attempted to have with me in first period. Or the argument that Aiden tried to start over lunch, quickly realizing I wasn't paying him any attention—he went back to the whole theory of me wanting to break up with him and that's when I really tuned him out. Probably confirming whatever he was thinking in that small brain of his.

When last period rolled around, I quickly took my seat in the back of the class and buried my head in my Lit book. I'd rather not even see her face right now. I wasn't sure what the feelings I had for Ashley meant, I mean, she was the first girl I've ever thought about kissing—wanted to kiss no, needed it. They were confusing, yet so inviting. Like I'd be safe with her, even though I knew it was wrong, according to everything Paula Carlin has ever taught me, yet, I didn't really care.

And Aiden, he's the first and only guy I've ever loved and I wouldn't dare wanna hurt him, but you can't control who have feelings for. Destiny does that for you.

I pretended to read my Lit book as she walked into class. I could see over my book that she kept glancing back at me, but I never acknowledged her. You might think I'm being a brat, and maybe I am, but last night she really hurt my feelings and I wanted her to know it.

Halfway through class Madison slipped me a note. I lazily opened it and read it.

'What is up with you today Spence? It's like you're the walking dead.'

I grabbed the pen off my desk and scribbled back. 'It's that time of the month' and tossed it back to her.

She wrote something then handed it back. 'Liar, I know when it's that. Are you and Aiden breaking up or something? I heard you guys arguing at lunch.' You mean him arguing with himself, I think to myself then continue reading 'Is this about that thing that didn't happen over break?' Now that I think about it, I'm kinda glad that it didn't happen. I mean don't get me wrong, I love Aiden, but sometimes I feel like it's the only reason he sticks around—like he can't leave me until he gets what he's been working for all these years. Sounds sick I know but, that's how I feel sometimes.

'Okay fine, it's not my time but it's not about Aiden either.' I hand her back the note. She sighs then writes something down and quickly tosses it back. I suddenly got the image in my head of Mrs. Randson turning around and seeing us passing notes and makes us come up in front of the class to read it—like the teachers did in elementary school. So embarrassing.

Maybe if that did happen, Ashley would see how much damage she's cause. I mentally shake my head at myself. I make it sound like she hit me with her car or something.

'You're killing me here Spence, we barely talk later and you've been busy so much that I don't know what to make of it. What's going on with you? I”m your BEST friend. You know you can tell me anything.' It reads. Madison was right, her and I used to talk about everything. But how do I tell her that I think I'm falling for someone I shouldn't want, someone I know I can't have—a girl.

'Come to my house today after school and we'll do homework together. I'm fine Mads. Just having a bad day.' I toss the note back to her and she flashes me a smile. I guess she believes me.