Dead On More Than Impact (Rayrard & Frerard)

Chapter Thirteen B: Cessation and Termination

TWO DAYS LATER- Frank POV:

I was stuck in a nightmare. My eyes wouldn't open, but I could hear everything. I was awake. I could hear the doctors talking about me and I heard Gerard's cries and pleas for me to wake up, but I couldn't. I couldn't move any part of my body, but I could still breathe. I needed to wake up. I needed to tell Gerard that I loved him, too. I needed Gerard to know that I didn't want to die anymore. I wanted to live but each day I was finding it harder and harder to respond to anything. I tried to get my limbs to move but they wouldn't budge. I stopped thinking about my problems and listened as someone entered the room. I could it was Gerard just by the sound of his shoes squeaking on the floor. He bent down and cried on my arm and I could feel it. Something inside of me finally had heard enough and it allowed my eyes to open and my arms to move. It allowed my legs to work and my breath came out differently. It allowed me to open my mouth and finally speak what I had wanted to say for so long.

"Gerard. Gerard, I love you." It came out as a raw whisper but he heard me. His head shot up and he kissed my forehead with happy tears streaming down his face. I was finally awake.

Gerard took my oxygen mask off slowly and measured my breathing before he leaned down and pressed with warm lips down on my cold ones. My heart fluttered in my chest and the heart monitor sped up and matched my pace. Gerard put his forehead on mine and we breathed heavily. I could feel Gerard's hand wrapped in mine and I squeezed back. I hadn't been able to do this in forever it seemed. I looked around the room and saw the tubes that were sticking out of my arms. I met Gerard's eyes anxiously and he just rubbed circles with this thumb on the palm of my hand. I relaxed into his touch, but something didn't feel right. Everything looked right but nothing felt the same. How was I alive? Everything felt surreal.

"Frank, I want you to know that I love you. I didn't mean any of those things I said. I was stupid. I shouldn't have left. I love you." Gerard was scrambling for his words but I had already heard him many times before. I needed him to know that I loved him.

"I love you, too. I forgive you. Do you forgive me?" Tears were coming into my eyes as I remembered my guitar and the things we had said. My precious guitar was smashed and our own hearts were broken. I raised a shaky hand and caressed Gerard's face.

"I forgive you." Gerard pressed his lips onto mine and chuckled when my heart sped up.

I studied Gerard's face and noticed the dark circles under his eyes. I traced over them with my thumbs and Gerard leaned into my touch. I brought his face down near my mouth and whispered gently into his ear, "You need to get some sleep, Gee."

Gerard nodded into my embrace and carefully got into the bed with me. We made sure to leave the tubs and needles alone and cuddled next to each other. Gerard drifted off into sleep while I watched him. I kissed his forehead, but something still didn't feel right. It felt as if I was imagining everything. I felt dead. My lips were cold and only warmed when I placed them against Gerard's burning forehead. My hands were freezing and Gerard's skin seemed to burn them back to warmth. I pressed my body against his and I felt heated. I felt awake and ready. I closed my eyes and touched our foreheads together. Maybe I should sleep for a little while.

Gerard POV:

Frank was freezing and still asleep. His lips were like icicles as I took his oxygen mask off. I pressed my lips onto his and cried. I stuck the oxygen mask back on him and lay on the bed beside him. Frank's body was cold. I pressed mine against it to keep him warm, but it wasn't working. Then, his heart monitor let out a line and never stuttered again. I pressed the emergency button while the nurses and doctors swarmed into the room. I lifted myself off of the bed and the tears sprung towards my face. Our hands were ripped apart and Mikey ran into the room with the usual three cups of coffee. He was crying as the doctors pushed us out of the room. I collapsed onto the floor and I was filled with grief. Frank was never waking up. I couldn't see anything as I threw myself onto the ground and cried. There were no words to describe what I was going through. Mikey set the coffee down on a chair and didn't look back as they slid off and fell over. I wasn't breathing. I couldn't breathe. My airways were gone. There was nothing left. I wasn't a person. I was a lifeless shell. Mikey wrapped his arms around me, but I pushed him off. I just couldn't seem to catch my breath. The walls around me were suffocating me. I only turned around to see Mikey looking helplessly at me before he took his glasses off and put his head in his hands. We both knew it was over. There was nothing in me worth living for.