Anxiety

△02

          ****** JAIRUS ******

"Why you so silent?" Her voice muffled through the phone.

"I'm not silent, girl. I'm just waiting for you to start a conversation." I told her.

As we talked I sat on the sink counter in my bathroom. I couldn't seem to find a comfortable position. I went from sitting on the sink, to pacing back and forth, to sitting in the tub. I don't know what it was... maybe, it was just my nerves.

I've had my eyes on her for a while. She would always, playfully call me her fake boyfriend. But it was all just fun and games until I kinda started to feel her.

"Well ... How was your day?" I asked her trying to add some moisture to the dryness of our conversation.

"It was good. I was sweating like shit during dance practice." she replied.

"Oh... I know."

"Shut up, lil boooyy."

"Your hair went from press and curl to nappy ass squirrel." I joked.

"You're annoying." She joked back.

Knowing her, I knew she was probably rolling her eyes on the other side of the phone but she knew I was joking so i'm sure she wasn't offended.

Silence......

Every Time, it seemed as if we got a good topic to talk about, it crept back down to silence. I must admit, I didn't really know how to talk to her. It was weird but I thought me talking to her would eventually come naturally. I mean we have been on the phone for a good week now. I figured it would just take a little more time.

"Silent again, young buck." She complained.

"Why you keep saying i'm young and keep calling me little?" I asked.

"Cause you're YOUNG and you're LITTLE!" She answered laughing on the phone.

"Whatever. I may be younger than you but I daaamn sure ain't little." I hinted.

I threw a little hint at her and as surely as I knew she would. She caught on to it after a while.

"Then prove it." The words crept from the other end of the phone.

"Well hang up and I definitely will." I said trying to sound confident.

She hung up the phone and I looked through my photo gallery.

"Nahh, not that one... or that one ... or that one." I said to myself as I scrambled through my sacred portion of my photo gallery.

"None of these will do." I thought to myself.

I switched to the camera setting on my phone and and unloosened the strings on my gray sweats.

As I focused on him, he began to appear the best way he knew how. I waited for his approval and then when he was good and ready -- I did it.

Click & Send.

****** William ******

"I like my baby hair with baby hair and afro. I like my negro nose with Jackson Five Nostrils...." Blasted in my ear as I continued my run back home.

"Come on William. Just a few more blocks." I cheered myself up.

After this long day, I needed my nightly run to settle my nerves just the way I needed.

I reached my house and hopped up the steps to my room. I collapse on my bed and took a few deep breathes in.

"Damn." I panted out.