Mr Lester

Chapter 5

Therapy is always useless. My parents think I'm doing so well, that's what Evonne tells them. I think she's genuinely convinced too. That when I tell her I haven't self harmed in months, she believes me. Idiots. 

Walking into school on Tuesday made me feel sick. Not slightly queasy, but so sick that I held my hand to my mouth in case I threw up. Checking my timetable, it dawns on me that my first lesson every day from now on is going to be English. That means Phil. Mr Lester, who yesterday saw the cuts on my arm before I ran off like a coward to make even more. Pathetic, aren't I?

"Dan!" Phil exclaims with a worried expression as I walk through the door , before blushing slightly and straightening his blue bow tie, coughing. "Uh..come and sit down" he says, clearly trying to mask his concern. I avoid eye contact, with those beautiful blue eyes that will never look at me the same.

"Morning sir...I mean Phil" I plonk down in my seat in the second row and take out my book. I start writing the plan we discussed yesterday after class, as Phil gets on to talk about Shakespearean language techniques, giving me quick glances every so often. After a very long forty minutes, the bell goes and I pack up, quickly shuffling towards the door, trying to get lost in the crowd all rushing for the door at once.

"Dan. May I have a word?" Damn. Again. What more is there to say? But yet again, I slowly shuffle towards the desk at the front of the class, and stand beside his open laptop. I take a glance at the screen, and see two familiar faces on a Youtube tab. Smosh! I give Phil a questioning look.

"Sorry I uhh" He looks down, embarrassed.

"I love Smosh!: I give him a grin, and he returns it. Oh my, that smile. He's like a ray of sunshine. But then he ruins it.

"I guess you know what I wanted to talk to you about. Dan, why did you do that to yourself?" There it is again, the lost puppy look. Its like a knife through my heart, I feel the need to protect him when he's upset. Snap out of it Dan, he's a teacher, not a pet for crying out loud.

"I....I have depression, I guess thats probably why"

"I'm so sorry. I know what it feels like to battle something like that" He gives me a small smile and  looks down, taking my hand in his. He pulls my hand in, so that we're standing closer, only a few inches apart. We stare into each other's eyes for at least ten seconds, its electric. Then Phil jerks back again, and turns away.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what that was. That was wrong. Off you go Daniel, and don't forget that essay is due next week."

"Yes sir" I turn away and head for the door, my heart racing but dropping at the same time. That was amazing, I've never felt a bond like that with anyone. It was like we were the same person, or two halves of one anyway. But at the same time he looked so disgusted when he turned away, so upset, so disheartened. 

That can never happen again, I know it can never happen again, yet I've never longed for anything so much in my life.