Mr Lester

Chapter 14

You're going to hell, faggot.

It hits me like a brick in the stomach. I don't even know who its from, yet it tugs on my conscience. Was it meant for me? Maybe not. Its probably just a wrong number, I'm not even out as gay to anyone but my family. I'll talk to Phil about it later.

School again today, its only Tuesday, yet it seems like the weekend was weeks ago. I walk into the English classroom. Phil is sat at his desk, smiling at his laptop as usual. But something seems a bit off, his body too tense.

"Hi Phil, how are you?" 

"Good morning Dan, I'm great thanks!" He seems too cheery, forced almost.

"Are you sure..??"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

I go to hug him. We stay in an embrace for a long time, until I can feel his tears down my face. Phil suddenly turns away from me, not looking me in the eye, and runs from the room. I stay where I am for a good minute, shocked, before deciding against following him and going to sit down in my chair. A few minutes later the bell goes and students start to flood into the room. Phil doesn't show up. Ten minutes into a dull lesson without a teacher, a cover teacher walks in with no explanation of what happened to Phil.

Later that night, I text him

"Phil what was up today, where did you go?"

"I'm sorry I haven't told you this before, but I figured you had our own problems so you wouldn't want to deal with mine"

"...??"

"I have a serous depression Dan, and I can't afford the medicine anymore. I haven't taken it for a few days now and I'm already starting to feel the change in how I feel"

"Ohhh Phil."

"Dan, I'm sorry"

 "Why didn't you tell me? I could have tried to help."

"I don't know. And I'm sorry if my behaviour changes from here on out, its going to be a hard journey without meds. Maybe I'll learn to live with it, who knows. Anyway I have to go, night Danny xx"

"Night Philly xx"

***Time skip***

"Morning Phil, I forgot to tell you about something from yesterday" He gives me a puzzled look. "I got a message from someone, but I don't now who it was. It was pretty nasty"

"Oh no, what did it say?"

"I'd rather not say, I just wanted someone to know to let it off my chest a bit, that's all." I walk out the classroom to the toilets, and get out my phone in a cubicle. I finally decide that its best to reply to the text.

"Who is this?" I get a reply almost instantly.

"Your demons" 

Funny, thought my demons were inside my head, but maybe they're not the only ones. I smirk at how ridiculous that sounded in my head. Its probably just some kid messing around, who else could it be? Its highly unlikely to be any I gave my number to, even though the number is blocked I trust all the people with my phone number. But there's still a niggle at the back of my head. I try to push it away.

Therapy is getting worse and worse every session I go to. Evonne is even more hopeless than when I started seeing her. She asks the same questions every week, shifts my med dosage, and reports back to my parents that I'm doing well on the long and hard road that is the journey to recovery. Sure Evonne, sure. Is that why I'm still mutilating my body to not feel numb anymore? Must be. Oh wait no.......I still do that.

***Time skip***

The messages continue for days, and those days turn to weeks. Its coming up to christmas, two weeks in fact, when Phil starts acting funny. He seems to distance himself from me, text messages decrease, and in class he starts acting oblivious to the fact that I exist, as opposed to the past when I'd get occasional smirks or lip bites as a tease. He speaks to me less, and when he does he seems further away. I try to push these worries out of my mind, my anxiety plays up whenever I think about it. But it always finds a way back into the voices, they tell me that he doesn't love me, that I'm a failure that doesn't deserve him. Then one day I get a message that almost confirms my fears.

"Dan, can you meet me at the hostel tonight. I have something I have to talk to you about. Don't get your hopes up, I'm afraid it isn't good news"