Perseus Jackson-The Phantom World

IV

Sometimes, I think I am dreaming when I'm awake, and I'm not sure if what happens actually is happening.  Sometimes, the line between reality and dreams...awake and asleep...real and unreal...it all becomes blurred until the line is almost completely erased.  To the point where I can't see it at all.  

And that frightens me.

All these question.  All these answers...Do I really want to know?

I live, I breathe, but do I really?  Sometimes I can't tell.  You know, when you become part of the Universe...when you bond with it, and it bonds with you...you see things. You dream things.  You feel things.

And then all of the lines become blurred. And if the lines blur, and they disappear, were they ever there at all?  Hate and Love.  Sadness and Happiness.  Anger and Serenity.  Peace and War.  Real and Unreal.  All of them become a giant mess, and then where does that leave us?

Sometimes people think I am unfeeling.  Sometimes I think they are right.  But others, I know I feel, and I feel too much.  Sometimes, not at all.

...

I slowly walked around the arena, watching.  I was always watching.  Before I acted, I observed.  It was a habit that I picked up over the years.  I found it was just easier to view things from the outside, because if you saw things from the sidelines, it gave you a completely different perspective, rather than the people who happen to be involved.  

"Lift your sword arm higher," I commented to one camper.  "Watch your stance," I said to another.

They weren't completely helpless.  They more or less had the basics down, but their skills were mediocre at best.  If they had to fight a war now, they'd be creamed by themselves.  I guess things have really, really changed since I've been here last.

When I was last here, we were stronger.  We were much more powerful.  And not because I was there-although I was a big help-it was because we felt the weight.  We had to go through all of the hard trials, and we succeeded, and surpassed the limits every time.  Most of these new demigods didn't have to deal with what we did in the old days.  They were practically pampered compared to us.  And now that they needed the edge, they didn't have it.

And right now, I didn't know how to help them.

"Everyone stop!" I ordered loudly.  "We've got a lot of work to do.  Right now, you wouldn't stand a chance.  Now, run laps around this arena until you drop.  And don't stop until you've run twenty five laps, or you happen to pass out from exhaustion."

"What about you?" A Hermes kid questioned, ignoring the wild looks of her siblings, frantically shaking their heads at her.  "Why do we have to do this, and you don't?  How is that fair?"

Everyone became silent, and looked on fearfully.  They were probably scared I would gut her or something.  The thought of them so terrified amused me.

I laughed, surprising everyone.  "I like your spirit.  To answer your question, life isn't fair.  I've been trained much harder by the Primordial council.  Unlike me, they don't understand the concept of human limitations, and for at least a year, I ran and ran in an endless maze, each time I passed out from hunger, or thirst, or exhaustion, they rejuvenated me just so I could do it all over again.  Do you really want me to do that to all of you?"

She shook her head.  I shook my head, and smiled softly.  "Now, everyone!  Get to it!  Run!"

Everyone started running.  I turned around, and saw Annabeth scowling at me. 

"What exactly do you think you are you doing?" I asked her.

"What do you mean?" Her frowned deepened.