Blessed Moments (book 4)

Chapter 9: can you forgive me?

   "I never knew you had a drinking problem." Yugi says as he wraps his thin arms securely around my waist, resting his head against the broad expanse of my bare chest. "Sounds like something I should know as your husband and all." There is evident shame in his voice but he attempts to veil it from me with a teasing time. Oh Yugi, if only you could deceive me so easily. I would feel so much better about myself, but alas you are a couple thousand years too young to even try and pull the wool over my eyes.
   "To be fair, I didn't know either." I murmur with a slight note of agitation as I run my fingers gently through his soft, spiky hair. "It would appear that my priest made a judgement call that I do not completely agree with, but I suppose I should be appreciative for his effort and good intentions."
   "I don't think I follow what you are trying to say." Yugi chuckles quietly as his arms tighten around me. His chin rests on my shoulder as he stares up at me with lidded eyes. Oh gods he is so beautiful.
   "Kaiba, or his past self, sealed away my memories of craving alcohol, or my inability to stop drinking it to be entirely accurate."
   "So you just don't know when to stop?" Two playful amethyst eyes glance up at me. "I think I can work with that."
   "In a matter of speaking, yes." I murmur before planting a soft and gentle kiss on his forehead. Yugi's eyes close as my lips make contact with his skin and a soft sigh of contentment escapes his lips. His whole body goes slack against me as he relaxes. "I hope it's something that you will never have to try and grow accustomed to. That's not something I would want to make you experience. You deserve to live life to the very extent of happiness."
   "I love you." Yugi murmurs. A small, goofy smile is plastered on his face as he snuggles closer to me. His warm breath fanning out across my skin like a desert breeze.
   "I love you too." I murmur in response, my heart silently aching in my chest. The single most perfect being is cradled in my arms and I thought he wanted to abandon me just a mere twenty four hours before. Shame grips my heart harshly and I can almost feel its claws sinking deeply into my soul. My arms unconsciously tighten around him, pulling him closer to me. I screwed up. Yugi winces in pain as I hold him even tighter. I truly screwed up.
   "Yami?"
   How can I ever expect him or his grandfather to ever forgive me for the way I had acted? There is no good explanation or excuse for how I had acted nor for what I had done. I merely acted entirely out of emotion or the conflict between them. Seth was right, I am a damn fool. I can't even bring myself to blame him for sealing away my memories. He was right and I was wrong. I'm sure that if he ever heard me admit that he would combust with pure joy, but this isn't about Seth right now. This is about me and my complete and utter stupidity.
   "Yami, you're hurting me." Yugi whines and my arms suddenly go slack, releasing him and staring down at him with a blatantly shocked expression. I'm hurting him again. What is wrong with me. "Why are you crying?" Yugi asks as he brings himself to rest on his elbows so he can look me directly in the eye. A gentle hand cupping my cheek and wiping away a tear that I hadn't noticed escaped me. "Sweet heart," he murmurs as he strokes my cheek with feather light touches. "Tell me, what's troubles you."
   "I've screwed up Yugi." I whisper. "I left you when I should have stayed. You were alone when I should have been here and I caused you unnecessary pain." My vision begins to swim in a sea of unshed tears which causes the world around me to blur. "I was a fool. So foolish that I can't even begin to expect you to ever forgive me."
   "Yami-"
   "I ruined everything!" My body begins to tremble as the words slip past my lips. "You never should have married me, you deserve so much more, so much better than me."
   "Don't you dare say that!" Yugi snaps at me harshly, his face a mask of seriousness and pain. "How could you ever bring yourself to believe that I would be better off without you? You must be insane if you think I could ever want anyone as much as I want and love you!"
   "But I didn't-"
   "What you did or didn't do last night doesn't matter." He interject his voice covering mine entirely. "Everything that happened lives in the past and will stay in the past, where it belongs." Yugi presses his forehead against mine gently. "Live in the here and now sweetheart." He smiles down at me and brushes away a stray tear. "That's where I need you the most, here and now."
   "Yugi," I sob as I pull him flush against me, my hand coming to rest on the back of his head. "Please forgive me." I plead, my voice leaving my lips in a pitiful whisper. "Please, forgive me."
   "Oh my love." He whispers in my ear softly. "I already have." Fresh sobs escape me as his words hit home, striking my heart head on. "You haven't lost anything."
   "Solomon will probably never look at me the same ever again."
   "He's old, he changes his mind quite frequently." Yugi teases. "If you ask him to forgive you I am certain that he will."
   "You two are too forgiving for your own goods."
   "But that's why you love us so much." Yugi replies with a cheeky smile.
   "You could never have said anything more true." I whisper as I plant a final gentle kiss on his cheek.