Awake, My Sleeping Beauty

Chapter 25

Esther felt herself running through an apartment. Her heart pounded hard against her chest as a fiery sensation burned hotter the more she breathed in. The entire apartment was dark with only the bluish pale light of the moon seeping in through the various windows. She ran down a small hall and into a small room with lots of toys. The footsteps she'd been running away from grew louder, closer. Esther felt her breathing grow weak when the footsteps suddenly stopped at the opened doorway behind her. She whirled around and saw the tall silhouette of a man.

"No!" Esther gasped and woke up. Her heart was beating fast, feeling an immense fear and vulnerability within her. Once her eyes focused she realized she was in her own room in the Winters home. She sighed with relief and sat up in bed. Esther looked around, almost as if trying to make sure she was really alone in her room. A look of pure paranoia filled her dark eyes as she started to calm down.

Just a nightmare ... it was just a nightmare.

Her mother's words from earlier that evening came flooding back: "Are you with that man because of some complex, because of your father?"

Esther shuddered and then remembered that she never went to see Stewart; as a matter of fact, she never even called him back. She slowly got out of bed, still wary of her surroundings, and went to sit at her desk. She looked at her phone and saw four missed calls from Stewart. A sudden feeling of disgust overcame Esther as she realized that what her mother had asked might be true. What if she was with Stewart because of him? Knowing now that she'd probably fallen in love with Stewart too because she subconsciously wanted another father, a good father, made Esther's stomach churn.

It made her want to puke. The image of her father appeared before her very eyes and her eyes filled with tears. "No," she shook her head with fear, "I need to forget about him. I need to forget about him!"

Esther buried her face in her hands as she started to sob hard. She looked up and grabbed the key from behind her vanity mirror. She unlocked the drawer of her table and pulled out her diary, opening it and grabbed a pen.

Memories of him keep haunting my dreams. I hate him, diary, I absolutely hate having these memories of him. Why must these nightmares chase me into my adult years? Why couldn't they stay buried in the shadows and darkness that was my childhood?

That damn Heaven. I even envy her amnesia right about now. If only I were able to forget my life living with that bastard who called himself my father. The pain he caused me as a little girl, the betrayal of his trust.

He got what he deserved.

Esther shut her diary closed and kept sobbing. She thought of Heaven's perfect childhood, filled with nothing but laughter and happiness, free of all vile sexual assaults and pain. Esther stifled the urge to scream and started to throw all her pillows, comforter, and blanket around her room. She cried and cried, falling to her knees and then cradling herself in a ball. Esther grabbed the comforter and brought it close to her face like a baby's blanket. She stayed like that for what seemed ten minutes before she stood up, dried out from all the crying, and casually put all the bed linens back on her bed as though she was perfectly normal.

* * *

The next morning, she apologized to Stewart for standing him up. She lied and told him she had been so tired she'd simply fallen asleep after taking a shower. Stewart believed it and started to kiss her and caress her neck when he noticed Esther's dryness. He ignored it until the coldness of her body language got the best of him a few days later and he finally asked her what was wrong.